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| Posted by Abbey J. Heier on 09-Aug-2005 | Coming s l o w l yMorris, a 90-year-old man, lives in a retirement home and gets a weekend pass.
He stops at his favorite bar and orders a drink.
He notices a 70-year-old woman at the other end of the
bar and he tells the bartender to buy the lovely lady a drink.
As the evening progresses, Morris joins the lady and they eventually go to her apartment, where they get it on.
Two days later, the old man notices he is developing a "drip," and he heads for the rest-home doctor.
After careful examination, the doctor asks the old man if he has engaged in sex recently.
The old man says, "Sure did!"
The doctor then asks if he could remember who the woman is and where she lives.
"Yes, but why?"
"Well you??d better get over there . . . you??re about to come."
Submitted by ?€???rt??§?€
Edited by Tantilazing
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| Posted by Kristi Burchfield on 09-Aug-2005 | Party for two!This fellow named Sam has been riding Harleys for 25 years and is finally sick of fixing 'em.
He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Vermont, as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise, it's total peace and quiet.
After six months or so of almost total isolation, Sam is finishing dinner when someone knocks on his door. He opens it and there's a big, bearded Vermonter standing there.
"Name's Enoch...your neighbor from four miles over the ridge...havin' a party Saturday...thought you'd like to come."
"Great," Sam says, "after six months of this I'm ready to meet some local folks, thank you."
As Enoch is leaving he stops. "Gotta warn you there's gonna be some drinkin'."
"Not a problem...after 25 years of Harley riding, I can do that with the best of them."
Again, as he starts to leave, Enoch stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too."
"Damn!" Sam thinks, "tough crowd...sounds like the Redwood Run."
"Well," he says, "I get along with people. I'll be there, thanks again."
Once again Enoch turns from the door. "I've seen some wild sex at these parties too."
"Now that is not a problem," says Sam, "remember, I've been alone for six months. I'll definitely be there! By the way...what should I wear to the party?"
Enoch stops in the door again and says, "Whatever you want...it's just gonna be the two of us."
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Sara Siddiq on 09-Aug-2005 | Postmans last dayIt was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.
The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee.
She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast, eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh squeezed orange juice.
When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.
As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."
He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar."
The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."
Submitted by ?€???rt??§?€
Edited by BreeBrown
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| Posted by M Grice on 09-Aug-2005 | Sore throatA man with a terrible sore throat walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something to relieve it.
The pharmacist says, "Well, I could give you any number of things but they won't really do you much good. However, I can tell you what I do when I have a bad sore throat like you have."
"Really? What's that?" asks the man.
"I go straight home and have my wife give me a good blow job. I suggest you try that."
"Sounds great!" says the man, "Is your wife home now?"
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by ?€???rt??§?€
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| Posted by shankar jayaram on 09-Aug-2005 | Doing it doggy styleTwo buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives.
"Do you and your wife ever do it doggy style?" asked one.
"Well, not exactly," his friend replied, "She's more into the trick dog aspect of it."
"Oh, I see, kinky, huh?"
"Well, not exactly, I sit up and beg, and she rolls over and plays dead."
Submitted by ?€???rt??§?€
Edited by calamjo
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| Posted by Rambo U. Thirtythree on 09-Aug-2005 | Lipstick on ya prickTwo guys are sitting in the doctor's waiting room, so to pass the time they start to chat to each other.
They get to why they are here and the first one, Mr. Smith, says, "Well, it's kind of embarrassing really, but I got this red ring round the shaft of my ... you know ... penis."
"Hey, that's amazing," says Mr. Jones, "I got a green ring 'round mine. I feel a lot better knowing I ain't some kind of freak."
So both feeling somewhat relieved, they talk about football and horse racing until Mr. Smith is called in to see the doctor. Ten minutes later, Mr. Smith returns, a wide grin on his face. On the way to the door, he quickly says to Mr. Jones, "Hey, no worries, he rubbed in some liquid with a cloth and it came off. You'll be out in no time. See ya buddy."
Feeling better, Mr. Jones goes in to the doctor when called. He explains his problem, drops his trousers, and lets the doctor have a look. "It's serious I'm afraid Mr. Jones, It will have to be amputated. I can schedule surgery for three days time."
"WHAT!! NO!! That guy in here two minutes ago got his rubbed off! What do ya mean 'amputate!?'"
"I'm sorry Mr. Jones, there is a big difference between lip-stick and gangrene."
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by yisman
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