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| Posted by daniel bud on 10-Aug-2005 | Communication BreakdownTwo 90 year olds had been dating for a while, when the man told the woman,
"Well, tonight's the night we have sex!"
And so they did.
As they are lying in bed afterward, the man thinks to himself, "My God, if I
knew she was a virgin, I would have been much gentler with her!"
And the woman was thinking to herself, "My God, if I knew the old geezer could
actually get it up, I would have taken off my panty hose!"
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| Posted by Stibly Shibmaster on 10-Aug-2005 | Wish FulfillmentA man and his wife go to their honeymoon place for their 25th anniversary.
as the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked
the husband: "when you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going
through your mind?"
the husband replied: "all i wanted to do was to f*** your brains out, and suck
your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked: "what are you thinking now?"
he replied: "it looks like i did a pretty good job."
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():sex jokes (1888): At The Counselor??™s Office |
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| Posted by Bazigar on 10-Aug-2005 | At The Counselor??™s OfficeA young couple on the brink of divorce visits a marriage counselor. The
counselor asks the wife what is the problem.
She responds ???My husband suffers from premature ejaculation."
The counselor turns to her husband and inquires "Is that true?"
The husband replies "Well not exactly, it's her that suffers not me."
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| Posted by Cara Peterleus on 10-Aug-2005 | Tales from the ShireTwo hobbits walk into a bar where one of them picks up a barfly. They taker
her to at local motel; the first hobbit goes into the motel room while the other
waits outside. Once the door closes, the hobbit on the outside hears strange
noises through the door, "I can't do it, and I can't do it, And I CAN'T DO IT!"
In the morning, the second hobbit asks the first, "How did it go?" The first
one answers. "It was embarrassing. I simply couldn??™t do it."
The second hobbit shook his head. "Manhood problems, eh?"
"No. I couldn??™t get on the bed!"
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():sex jokes (1888): Massively Kew Knock Knock Jokes!!! |
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| Posted by Korvak on 10-Aug-2005 | Massively Kew Knock Knock Jokes!!!Knock, knock
who??™s there?
Sorry, wrong door.
Okay.
Knock, knock
who??™s there?
Federal Express
Federal Express who?
I don??™t know. I just deliver packages.
Knock, knock
who??™s there?
Tom.
Tom who?
Tom Buchanan.
Hi Tom.
Knock
Who??™s there?
Pizza delivery guy.
Pizza delivery guy who?
You ordered a pizza?
Yes.
I??™m the guy delivering it.
Great.
Knock
Who??™s there?
Susan.
Susan who?
Susan Caldwell.
I??™ll be right out, Susan.
Knock, knock
who??™s there.
You might be a redneck if? You think tobacco is a vegetable.
You might be a redneck if? You think tobacco is a vegetable who?
I thought this was a redneck joke.
Nope. It??™s a knock, knock joke.
Oops.
Knock, knock
who??™s there?
Boo
Boo who
don??™t get so upset, crybaby!
What?
Ha! Ha! I made you say ???boo-hook?
You??™re a real idiot.
That wasn??™t necessary.
Knock
who??™s there?
Creeping penis.
Creeping penis who?
I??™m not crazy; I just need to get off this island. The doctors don??™t believe I
invented the chocolate ?©clair. But I did. I??™m going to burn them all and drink
soup from their skulls! Happy soup! Untie me and I??™ll kill you last!
Knock, knock
you mama
you mama who?
You mama so fat, she caught a flesh-eating virus and that was three years ago.
I bet you??™re fat, huh?
I??™m? Br> you are, aren??™t you? Fat!
I??™m plumpish.
Knock, knock
who??™s there?
FBI!
?bra>? Bra> Hello? FBI! Let us in!
?bra> ??¦nobody hereby> Oh. Let??™s go boys!
(Phew!)
Knock, knock
who??™s there?
There??™s a dead old woman in your driveway.
There??™s a dead old woman in your driveway who?
No. Seriously. There??™s a dead old woman in your driveway.
Actually, that??™s just my piss-drunk bar slut of a grandmother. She sells
toothless mouth love for ???mind eraser? Shooters at the Tyson??™s Mall TGIFriday??™s.
Let the whore sleep it off.
Knock, knock
who??™s there?
Henry.
Henry who?
Henry Kissinger. Did you know that power is the ultimate aphrodisiac?
I??™m not opening the door Henry.
Damn.
Knock, knock
Tremble mortal and despair? It is I, THE ANGEL OF DEATH!
Tremble mortal and despair? It is I, THE ANGEL OF DEATH who?
Actually, I??™m here for Jones in #D1 but I need to take a monster crap and I
hate to kill and THEN use the bathroom, you know? It??™s rude and the other way
around, well it ruins my dramatic entrance. Sober> you want to use my toilet?
Yeah?
Go right ahead.
Got anything to read?
Just the crossword.
You finished it.
Sorry?
Hold my scythe.
Hey! Don??™t forget to light a match.
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| Posted by Educated Olive on 10-Aug-2005 | Fish MarketOne day there was a blind man walking down the street and he smelled oranges,
so he bought some fruit.
He smelled some pastries, so he bought some donuts.
Then he walked passed a fish market, took a hard sniff, and said, "Hello
ladies!"
Picture perfect
A husband said to his wife, "I will take a photo of your breasts and frame
it."
The wife said to her husband, "I will take a photo of your penis and enlarge
it."
The bear and the rabbit
There once was a bear and a rabbit that hated each other. One day, they found
a genie in a lamp who said he would grant them each three wishes. The bear went
first and he said,??? I wish to be the only male bear in this forest." And he got
his wish.
The rabbit said, "I want a motorcycle helmet." And he got his wish.
The bear went up and said, "I wish to be the only male bear in the United
States, and all the rest to be female." And he got his wish.
The rabbit said, "I wish I had a motorcycle to go with that helmet." And he
got his wish.
The bear said, "I wish I was the only male bear in the world, and all the rest
were females." And he got his wish.
It was the rabbit's turn, and he said, "I wish that bear was gay."
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