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| Posted by Button on 09-Aug-2005 | Competitive Man!What's the definition of a competitive man?
The one who finishes first and third in the same masturbation contest!
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| Posted by Michelle L. Schwartz on 09-Aug-2005 | Mr Potato HeadWhy is Mr. Potato Head the perfect man?
He's tan, he's cute, and if he looks at another woman, you can rearrange his face.
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| Posted by Martin Lynch on 09-Aug-2005 | Men Are Like CatsWhen Cats Are Like Men
* They are independent.
* They don't listen.
* They don't come in when you call.
* They like to stay out all night.
* They like to watch things move.
* They like to catch prey.
* They like to play.
* They treat you well when you feed them.
* When you're trying to get things done, they want your attention.
* When they're at home, they like to be left alone and sleep!
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| Posted by Marissa on 09-Aug-2005 | Older Womans problemWoman: I have a problem.
Doctor: Well, are you regular?
Woman: Yes I am. Every day I do a number one at 7:30 in the morning and a number two at 8:30.
Doctor: So, what's the problem?
Woman: I don't get up until 9:30!
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| Posted by Dan Roberts on 09-Aug-2005 | River CrossingOne day three men were walking along and came upon a raging, violent river.
They needed to get to the other side, but couldn't figure out how to cross it.
The first man prayed to God saying, ???Please God, give me the strength, courage and ability to cross this river.???
Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours.
Seeing this, the second man prayed to God saying, ???Please God, give me the strength, courage, and ability to cross this river.???
Poof! God gave him the skill to chop down a tree and fashion it into a rowboat; he was able to row across the river in about three hours.
The third man had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also prayed to God saying, ???Please God, give me the strength, courage and ability to cross this river.???
Poof! God turned him into a woman, and he walked across the bridge.
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| Posted by Raoku on 09-Aug-2005 | Better Than MenWomen understand that babies do not come from the stork.
When a women is pregnant and craves pickle and mustard sandwich??™s, the man groans and wines until they remind him that you are the one having the baby HERE! But when the man craves a six pack, she diligently goes to the store and returns five hours later with a romantic movie.
When women see a ''caution'' sign, they carefully avoid it, while men assume that it was meant for someone else, and come home with every bone broken.
Women characterize the first date, by seeing how you act and eat. Men check to see if you can name at least one football, basketball or baseball star.
Women can stand to be wrong, while men make about excuses ''misunderstanding'' and some how it is always the women's fault.
When a man attends a concert, he whoops, yells, shrieks and yelps, while gobbling down anything he can get his hands on. While women enjoy the show, dancing and socializing with friends.
When women stay in the bathroom for over 45 seconds, men assume that something is wrong, and walk in to examine the situation.
Women understand about privacy, and won't come in the room until 2 hours have passed.
When in a hospital, women will share all emotions. While men, being the ''tough'' guys that they are, will ''stay calm'' until someone finally notices that he has wet the chair he is sitting in.
Women love to help. Men feel you want commitment when you ask to do the dishes.
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