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| Posted by Adam Terry on 12-Aug-2005 | Condom brandtwinkie condoms:hey wheres the cream filling?
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| Posted by Luis F. Tefonse on 12-Aug-2005 | MayonnaiseAn eight year old boy, and a nineteen year old boy with his girlfriend were going to bed.
The nineteen year old and his girlfriend were on the top bunk and the eight year old took the bottom bunk.
The couple on the top bunk wanted to have sex. But their was only one problem.....the eight year old on the bottom bunk. So the girl said let\'s make up keywords so we don\'t scare him. Lettuce will be harder and tomatoe will be rollover.
All through the night the only thing the puzzled boy heard was lettuce, tamatoe, lettuce, tomatoe, lettuce, tomatoe.
the couple was in the middle of their pleasure when the boy said.......
Would you guys stop making sandwiches up their, you\'re dripping mayonnaise on me
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| Posted by Lauren Prescott on 12-Aug-2005 | SupermanSuperman was feeling bored after a long break of crime fighting & wanted to go out & party so he called Batman to ask if he wanted to go to a club & pick up some girls. Batman said Robin was ill & he had to look after him. A little disappointed, Superman called Spiderman to see if he fancied a few beers. Spiderman told him he had a date with Catwoman. As a last resort, Superman flew over to Wonderwoman's apartments to see if she was free. As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonderwoman naked on the bed with her legs open. Superman thought to himself "I'm faster than a speeding bullet, I could be in there, have sex & out again before she knew what was happening." So Superman did his super thing in a split second & flew off happily. Meanwhile on the bed, Wonder woman said "Did you hear anything?" "No!" said the Invisible Man, "But my ass hurts"!
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| Posted by Samantha Taraboletti on 12-Aug-2005 | Bus driverOnce there was a nun that rode the bus every night precisely at 8:30pm. she rode the same bus with the same bus driver.And every night she would get off the bus at the same place. Well, one night there was this guy who got on the bus. He noticed this nun sitting there.He started thinking to himself,\"man that nun is really hot!\" And every night for a week he rode the same bus at the same time and he would see this nun.After a week he was really horny because of this nun. So one night after the nun got off the bus he went up to the bus driver. \"man that nun is hot. I would love to get a piece of ass from her,but I don\'t know how to go about doing it.She\'s a nun. Do you have any Ideas?\" the man said. The bus driver thought for a moment and said \"actually yes I do. That nun gets off at the same stop every night and then walks to the cemetary and visits the grave of her mother. If you dressed up and pretended to be God she would do anything you say.\" The man says \"ok,thanx I\'ll try it.\" So the man goes and buys a God costume and goes to the cemetary and waits for the nun to show up.And sure enough the nun showed up.She went to her mother\'s grave and knelt down and prayed.The man,who was hiding behind a large headstone, jumps out and says \"rise, sister, for I am God.\" the nun,frightened by the man,swears. The man says \"sister, you swear in my presense. What shall we do about this?\" The says I\'ll do whatever you want.Please forgive me.\" The man says \"well if you have sex with me I\'ll forgive you.\" The nun agree\'s but says \"we have to do it from behind because I don\'t want to loose my virginity.\" The man says ok. So the fucking and as soon as the man was done he rips off his costume and says \"HA, I\'m really not God.\" Then the nun rips off her clothes and says \"HA, I\'m not really a nun,I\'m the bus driver!\"
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| Posted by Jack R. Off on 12-Aug-2005 | Merry Christmas!Twas the night before Christmas and God it was neat
The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat.
The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook
It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.
Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude
Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry
That I lost my boner and poor momma went dry.
Up to the window I sprang like an elf,
Tore back the shade while she played with herself.
The moon on the crest of the snowman we\'d built,
Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a rusty old sleigh, and eight mangy reindeer.
With a fat little driver, half out of his sled,
A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head.
Sure as I am speaking, he was as high as a kite.
And he yelled to his team, but it didn\'t sound right,
Whoa Shithead, whoa asshole,whoa stupid, whoa putz,
Either slow down this rig or I\'ll cut off your nuts.
Look out for the lamp post, the tree got a rub,
Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub.
And then from the roof we heard such a clatter,
As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.
I was donning my jacket to cover my ass,
When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.
His suit was all smell with perfume galore,
He looked like a bum and smelled like a whore.
\"That was some brothel,\" he said with a smile,
\"The reindeer are pooped, and I just stay awhile.\"
He walked to the kitchen, poured himself a drink,
The whipped out his pecker, and pissed in the sink.
I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee,
The old boy was hung nearly down to his knees.
Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,
But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed.
The first thing he found were a pair of false tits,
The next was a handgun, and a penis that spits.
A box filled with condoms was Santa\'s next find,
And a six pair of panties, the edible kind.
A brad without nipples, a penis extension,
And several other things that I shouldn\'t even mention.
A fuck ring, a G-string, and all types of oil,
A dildo so long it lay in a coil.
\"This stuff ain\'t for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit,
So I\'ll leave em here, and then I\'ll just split.\"
He filled every stocking and then took his leave,
With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve,
He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,
Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead.
In time he was seated, took the reins of his hitch,
Saying \"Take me home Rudolf, this nights been a bitch!\"
The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout.
\"The best thing about sex is that it never wears out!\"
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| Posted by Sam Patrick on 12-Aug-2005 | Dolphin ImpressionHow do you make a female do an impersination of a dolphin? While your doing her from behind, you pull it out of her pussy and try to stick it into her ass and she will say
uhuh, uhuh, uhuh!
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