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| Posted by harmonie on 14-Aug-2005 | Condom Week25 slogans for national comdom week.
Cover your stump before you hump.
Before you attack her, wrap your whacker.
Don't be silly, protect your willy.
When in doubt, shroud your spout.
Don't be a loner, cover your boner.
You can't go wrong, if you shield your dong.
If your not going to sack it, go home and whack it.
If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey.
If you slip between her thighs, condomize.
It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter.
She won't get sick, if you wrap your dick.
If you go into heat, package your meat.
While your undressing venus, dress up your penis.
When you take off her pants and blouse, suit up your mouse.
Especially in December, gift wrap your member.
Never ever deck her, with an unwraped pecker.
Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool.
The right selection, is to protect your erection.
Wrap it in foil, before checking her oil.
A crank with armor, will never harm her.
If you really love her, wear a cover.
Don't make a mistake, cover your snake.
Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener.
If you can't shield your rocket, leave it in your pocket.
No glove, No love.
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| Posted by Steve j. Kapton on 14-Aug-2005 | Mom's SpongeLittle Tommy runs into the bathroom one day to find his mother
taking a bath. He points at her bush and asks, "What's that
Mommy?"
A little embarrassed, she tells him that is is her sponge. Tommy
is satisfied with that answer and goes back to playing with his
toys. Some time later, Tommy catches his mother in the shower
shortly after she has shaved her bush for bikini season. Tommy
asks her, "Where is your sponge mommy?"
Again embarrassed she tells him that she lost it but will
probably find it soon. Tommy is a little worried and promises
his mommy that he will help her find it. His mother says okay,
and goes back to showering. Soon, Tommy comes running back in
and says that he has found his mother's sponge. "What do you
mean you found my sponge? Where?"
"The lady next door has it and she's washing Daddy's face with
it!"
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| Posted by EMMI E. COOL on 14-Aug-2005 | little old ladyA little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have
this
problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. My
farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact,
I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your
office. You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell
and are silent."
The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see
me next week."
The next week the lady comes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't
know
what the heck you gave me, but now my farts...although still
silent...stink
terribly.
"The doctor says, "Good!!! Now that we've cleared up your
sinuses, let's work on your hearing."
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| Posted by Christer J. Kauppinen on 14-Aug-2005 | RebeccaThere was once a beautiful woman named Rebecca who lived with 3
men: an author, an artist, and a blind man.They each visited her
once a day. One day Rebecca was taking a shower when she heard a
knock at the door. So she put on a towel and answered the door.
It turned out to be the artist. He said " Congratulate me,
Congratulate me, I have just finished a masterpiece." Rebecca
didn't care so she slammed the door in his face. Right when
Rebecca was getting back in the shower she heard another knock
so she put her towel back on and answered the door. It was the
author this time and he said " Congratulate me, Congratulate me
I have just finished a new best-seller. Rebecca didn't care so
she slammed the door in his face. Rebecca got back in the shower
and 15 min. later she heard another knock. She figured it had to
be the blind man so she didn't have to put on her towel and she
answered the door. She was right it was the blind man and he
said to her "Congraatulate me, Congratulate me I can see again!"
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| Posted by missa whowantstoknow on 14-Aug-2005 | SurgicalAfter a long night of making love the young guy rolled over,
pulled
out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter.
Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.
There might be some matches in the top drawer."
He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of
matches
sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man.
Naturally,
the guy began to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously. "No, silly," she
replied, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend then?" he asked. "No, not at all," she said,
nibbling away at his ear.
"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy. Calmly, the
girl
replied, "That's me before the operation."
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| Posted by Greg Strickler on 14-Aug-2005 | Men and WomenMen are vain and spend at least ten minutes a day looking in a
mirror.
Women are crazy and check their reflection in every single
object they see that reflects such as mirrors, windows, cars,
TVs...
Women take a bath/shower every single day to ensure they are
clean and smell nice.
Men use deodorent.
Women put on new clothes every single day and often spend up to
an hour switching things around until she finds a good
combination.
Men put on the closest thing on the floor or in the closet.
Women paint their nails.
Men bite their nails.
Men cannot hug someone of the same sex without wondering whether
they are gay or having their friends wonder if they are gay.
Women can not only hug their friends, but do so in public places
without ANYONE wondering if they are a lesbian.
To women farting is a rude embarrassing noise.
To men farting is a constant source of amusement.
Women try to hide cuts and bruises because they are flaws.
Men compare cuts and bruises to see who has the biggest one.
Men can't go a day without rearranging his family jewels. (dick)
Women never have to rearrange their privates.
Men go to the hospital if blood spews from their privates.
Women use a tampon.
Women date preparation; two hours.
Men date preparation; five minutes.
Women dress up for; shopping, sports, school, work, holidays,
parties, hanging out with a friend, going to the movies, going
bowling, lying around the house, reading, and watching TV.
Men dress up for; weddings, funerals
When women forget to shave no one notices.
When men forget to shave the whole world knows.
Women's magazines feature half naked women, that women ogle at,
wishing they looked like them.
Men's magazines feature fully naked women, that men lust after.
Women's chores are simple things like cooking and cleaning.
Men's chores are dangerous things like putting up the Christmas
lights on the roof and checking out loud noises at night.
Men are stronger.
Women are smarter.
Women know they're weaker.
Men think they're geniuses.
Women are sure they look horrid and ugly and that all the men
like that girl over there more then the like her.
Men think they are god'd gift to women.
When men get a cold, they are dying and stay in bed for two
weeks.
When women are dying, they just have a cold and continue to run
around doing errands and chores.
In conclusion; men and women just do not go together. Why isn't
everyone gay?
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