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| Posted by Stephen Schug on 14-Aug-2005 | CookiesAn elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's final agony, as
he started to slip away, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his
favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs.
He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the
bed.
Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the
bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the
stairs. Gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled
downstairs defying the pull of Morpheus.
With labored breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing in
the kitchen. Were it not for the immense pain caused by his
extreme exertions, he would have thought himself already in
heaven for there spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen
table - were hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.
Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his
devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, with tears in his eyes, he
threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a
rumpled posture. His parched lips parted: the wondrous taste of
the sweet biscuit was already mentally in his mouth, seemingly
bringing him back to life. He felt renewed strength pulsate
through his body.
The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to one lone
biscuit at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked
with a spatula by his wife......
"Fuck off, " she said, "they're for the funeral."
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| Posted by leelu on 14-Aug-2005 | Boy & His MomA boy told his mom, "I couldn't sleep last night so I went into
your room. Why were you jumping up and down on daddy?"
His mom said, "Well dear, I was pushing the air out of him."
The boy replied, "Oh then you're wasting your time. The lady
next door blows him back up every day."
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| Posted by Smoker Wiedman on 14-Aug-2005 | Tie her to the treeOne day I was shopping at my local drugstore when I noticed a
new face behind the pharmaceutical counter. She was drop dead
gorgeous and a beutiful set of tits to match. Well it didn't
take a minute to turn on the flirt and ask this chick out for
that very evening.
I approach her parents home to be greeted by
her dad who is suspiciouslly pleased to meet me. I go on to
realize a minute later why he was so pleased. What I couldn't
have realized from the drug store floor was that Vicky suffered
paraylazation from the waist down. Without hesitation or suprise
I pretended I knew all along not to upset Vicky.
Okay movie, dinner and yada yada yada and we
wind up at look out point. I'm figuring if I luck out, blow job!
I hit the jackpot, this bitch lets me tie her to the tree to
bang her!!!
I get her home and kiss goodnight, going back to
my car her father approaches and hands me a hundred dollar bill.
I refuse saying I really didn't mind and It wouldn't be right
for me to accept money just for taking out someone who was
handicapped.
He retorts no this is a thank you for saving me the
15th trip of having to go unttie her from that tree!!!!!
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| Posted by Melissa A. Mcclain on 14-Aug-2005 | Newspaper ArticleA woman was lonely so she posted an add in the newspaper that
said " I want a man who cant choke me, cant run away from me and
has good sex." then 2 weeks later a guy with no arms,and no legs
came and said "im the man youve been waiting for honey!" then
she says how do you fit the description???'" and he said "well i
have no arms so i cant choke you and i have no legs so i cant
run away from you" then she said" well how do i know you have
good sex" and he said "how do you think i open the door"
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():love jokes (2491): Buying Condoms At The Pharmacy |
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| Posted by Hyun Choi on 14-Aug-2005 | Buying Condoms At The PharmacyOne day, a man went to a pharmacy. He told the pharmacist, "I
want a three-pack of condoms. I'm going to my girlfriend's house
tonight to have dinner with her parents, and I think tonight may
be the night." He bought the condoms and left. When he arrived
at his girlfriend's house, her parents asked him to say grace.
He says an unusually long grace. His Girlfiren leans over and
says, "I didn't know you were so religious." He says, "I didn't
know your father was a pharmacist."
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():love jokes (2491): A Love Story: Which Girl Do I Marry? |
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| Posted by sea chelle on 14-Aug-2005 | A Love Story: Which Girl Do I Marry?
A young man had seriously dated three girls and was finally faced
with the dilemma of which to marry. As a test he gave each of
them one thousand dollars.
The first girl went for a complete hair and face make over, new
clothes, and new shoes. She returned to show off her new look
saying, "I want to be at my most beautiful for you. Why?
Because I love you, dear."
The second girl returned with new hockey and golf equipment, a
new stereo, VCR, and month's supply of beer saying, "I bought all
these things for you. They're my gifts to you, because I love
you so."
The third girl invested the $1,000 wisely and very quickly
doubled her original amount. She reinvested the profits which
continued to multiply and returned the first thousand to the
young man saying, "I have taken your money and made it grow as an
investment in our future together. That's how much I love you, my
dear."
The young man was very impressed by all of their responses. He
then gave long and careful consideration and finally married the
one with the biggest breasts.
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