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| Posted by Ivan Borka on 09-Aug-2005 | CookingAbout 85% of women are responsible for cooking the family dinner, and 84% wish they didn't have to.
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| Posted by christina share on 09-Aug-2005 | Men won't sayLet's watch Lifetime!
Sex is overrated.
I don't want to go too far on the first date.
Yes, I did notice your sister's breasts are bigger than yours.
There is nothing I like better than crawling into bed with a good book.
I'm glad I don't have a large penis.
My hips are too big.
Aw, can't we watch Oprah?
Does this suit make me look fat?
I'll never get tired listening to Celine Dion.
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| Posted by josh baker on 09-Aug-2005 | 60 Things60 Things Not to Say to a Naked Guy
1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it's cute.
3. Who circumcised you?
4. Why don't we just cuddle?
5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
6. It's more fun to look at.
7. Make it dance.
8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
10. It looks like a night crawler.
11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
12. My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger.
13. It's ok, we'll work around it.
14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
17. Oh no, a flash headache.
18. (giggle and point)
19. Can I be honest with you?
20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
21. Let me go get my tweezers.
22. How sweet, you brought incense.
23. This explains your car.
24. You must be a growing boy.
25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
27. Are you one of those pygmies?
28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
29. Every heard of clearasil?
30. All right, a treasure hunt!
31. I didn't know they came that small.
32. Why is God punishing you?
33. At least this won't take long.
34. I never saw one like that before.
35. What do you call this?
36. But it still works, right?
37. Damn, I hate baby-sitting.
38. It looks so unused.
39. Do you take steroids?
40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
45. Aww, it's hiding.
46. Are you cold?
47. If you get me real drunk first.
48. Is that an optical illusion?
49. What is that?
50. I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry.
51. Were you neutered?
52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
53. Does it come with an air pump?
54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
55. Where are the puppet strings?
56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
58. Never mind, why bother.
59. Is that a second belly button?
60. Where's the rest of it?
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| Posted by Tsalbeci on 09-Aug-2005 | Dude RanchMy wife and I went to a "Dude Ranch" while in Texas.
The cowboy preparing the horses asked if she wanted a Western or English saddle, and she asked what the difference was.
When he told her one had a horn and one didn't, she replied, "The one without the horn is fine. I don't expect we'll run into too much traffic."
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| Posted by SexyChic04 on 09-Aug-2005 | Buying flowersTake a bunch of flowers home for your wife, sir," urged the street vendor.
"I haven't got a wife," replied the young man.
"Then buy a bunch for your sweetheart."
"I don't have a sweetheart, either."
"Well then, buy a couple of bunches to celebrate your luck."
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| Posted by Samantha Taraboletti on 09-Aug-2005 | Granny visits townGranny was visiting town for the first time.
She checks in at the hotel, and the bellboy takes her bags. She follows the boy, and as the door closes, she looks around and shakes her fist at him.
"Young man, I may be old, and straight from the hills, but that don't mean I'm stupid!
I paid good money, and this room won't do at all! It's too small, and without proper ventilation! Why there's not even a bed!"
The bellhop looks at her and says, "Ma'am, this isn't your room, it's the elevator."
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