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| Posted by Toby's Gurl on 11-Aug-2005 | Cover UpA man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. He walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of drinks, one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment.
After they have had their fun, he realizes it is 3AM and says, "Oh no, its so late, my wife is going to kill me! Do you have any talcum powder?"
She gives him some talcum powder, which he proceeds to rub on his hands and then he goes home.
His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty pissed. "Where the hell have you been?!"
"Well, honey, its like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking chick there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her."
"Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!" She sees his hands are covered with powder. "You liar! You went bowling again!"
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| Posted by Gene Geller on 11-Aug-2005 | Compliment?Morris was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and common knowledge.
He turned to his wife Sherry, with a look of question on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest schmucks get the most attractive wives."
His wife replies, "Why thank you, dear!"
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| Posted by Alex Jong on 11-Aug-2005 | Come Back TomorrowA New Yorker was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard.
When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the rest of the afternoon and he would have to return the next day.
"What for?!?!?" he snapped at the judge.
His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query, roared out loud: "Twenty dollars contempt of court! That's why!"
Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented: "That's all right. You don't have to pay now."
The young man replied, "I know. But I'm just seeing if I have enough for two more words."
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| Posted by Amanda S. Lonick on 11-Aug-2005 | ChoicesA man was seated next to a stiff-looking Baptist minister on a flight to Wichita. After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink orders. The man asked for a whiskey and soda, which he got. The attendant then asked the minister if he would also like a drink.
The minister replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a brazen whore than let liquor touch these lips."
The man then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "I didn't know there was a choice."
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| Posted by daguydude dada on 11-Aug-2005 | CarrotTwo women were digging in the garden. One pulls out a two foot carrot. She says, "This one reminds me of my husband's." The second woman says, "Your husbands is that long?" "No that dirty."
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| Posted by Jen Z on 11-Aug-2005 | Endless BabysittingWhen a woman's friend was having her third baby in four years, she volunteered to keep the older two children overnight. One night turned into several, and eventually the woman was running out of supplies. She asked her husband to go over and get some things from the friend's husband.
"Did he give you everything?" she asked.
"Yes," my husband said, grinning. "A box of diapers, two sacks of clothing and the children's birth certificates."
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