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| Posted by Phil McRak on 10-Aug-2005 | Crazy Aunt MaudCrazy Aunt Maud received a letter one morning, and upon reading it burst into
floods of tears.
"What's the matter?" asked her companion.
"Oh dear???, sobbed Auntie, "It's my favorite nephew. He's got three feet."
"Three feet?" exclaimed her friend.
"Surely that's not possible?"
"Well," said Auntie, "his mother's just written to tell me he's grown another
foot !"
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| Posted by Eeyore on 10-Aug-2005 | AntifreezeHow do you make antifreeze?
Hide her nightdress.
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| Posted by Peter B. Wilson on 10-Aug-2005 | Young witch from NantesThere was a young witch from Nantes
Who hated each one of her aunts
So she buried the lot
In her vegetable plot
And grew some remarkable plants.
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():love jokes (2491): "I'm helping him exercise to lose weight!&quo |
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| Posted by craig brennan on 10-Aug-2005 | "I'm helping him exercise to lose weight!&quoA kid goes into his mom??™s room and finds her jumping vigorously on top of his
dad. He asks:
"What are you doing to dad, mom?"
She says:
"I'm helping him exercise to lose weight!"
"Oh mom, that is worthless you jump on top of him to make him skinnier and our
neighbor comes in everyday when you leave and blows him back up with her
mouth."
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():love jokes (2491): One Sunday morning Joe burst into the living room |
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| Posted by Cool Beans Girl on 10-Aug-2005 | One Sunday morning Joe burst into the living roomOne Sunday morning Joe burst into the living room and said, "Dad, Mom, I have
some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in
town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan.
After dinner, Joe's dad took him aside, "Son, I have to talk with you. Your
mother and I have been married 30 years. She's a wonderful wife but she has
never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with
women a lot. Susan is actually your half-sister, and I'm afraid you can't marry
her."
Joe was heart-broken. After eight months he eventually started dating girls
again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced, "Dianne said yes!
We are getting married in June."
Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad
news. "Diane is your half-sister too, Joe, I am very sorry about this."
Joe was furious! He finally decided to go to his mother with the news.
"Dad has done so much harm. I guess I am never going to get married", he
complained. "Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my
half-sister."
His mother just shook her head. "Don't pay any attention to what he says,
dear. He's not really your father."
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| Posted by *Queen.of.Jokes* on 10-Aug-2005 | "then go f*** yourself"A kentucky family took a vacation to new york city. for an adventure, the
father took his son to see a skyscraper. they were amazed by everything they saw
-- especially the elevator at one end of the lobby.
the boy asked, "what's that there, paw?"
the father responded, "well, son, i reckon i never did see nothing like this
in my entire life. i got no darned idea what it is!"
while the boy and his father were watching in wide-eyed astonishment, an old
lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. the
walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. the walls
closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights above the
walls light up. they continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse
direction. the walls opened again, and a voluptuous 24-year-old woman stepped
out.
the father turned to his son and said, "go get your maw." this little boy and
his grandfather are fishing. granddad pulls out a beer and the little boy says,
"grandpa, can i have one of those?"
grandpa says "is your penis big enough to touch your a******?" to which the
little boy responds "no."
"then you can't have one."
a while later, the granddad pulls out a cigar and the boy asks, "can i have on
of those?"
grandpa says "is your penis big enough to touch your a******?" to which the
little boy responds "no."
"then you can't have one."
later on, grandpa and grandson go to the grocery store for food and each buy a
lottery ticket. grandpa is unlucky, but the little boy says, "i just won
$50,000"
grandpa says, "great, you??™re going to split that with me, right?"
the little boy asks, "grandpa, is your penis long enough to touch your
a******?"
"yes," says grandpa.
"then go f*** yourself"
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