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| Posted by hello there on 09-Aug-2005 | CreationWhy did God create man?
Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Tantilazing
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| Posted by steven Burgess on 09-Aug-2005 | Bragging golfersFour men went to play golf.
Three of them headed to the first tee and the fourth went into the clubhouse to take care of the bill.
The three men started talking and bragging about their sons.
The first man told the others, "My son is a home builder, and he is so successful he gave a friend a new home for free. Just gave it to him!"
The second man said, "My son was a car salesman, and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He's so successful that he gave one of his friends a new Mercedes, fully loaded."
The third man, not wanting to be outdone, bragged, "My son is a stockbroker, and he's doing so well that he gave his friend an entire stock and bond portfolio."
The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business.
The first man mentioned, "We were just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?"
The fourth man replied, "Well, my son is gay and go-go dances in a gay bar."
The other three men grew silent as he continued, "I'm not totally thrilled about the dancing job, but he must be doing well. His last three boyfriends gave him a house, a new Mercedes, and a complete stock portfolio!"
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Tantilazing
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| Posted by Nicki Escudero on 09-Aug-2005 | HoseA drunk man was casually taking a piss into a drinking fountain in the park.
A police officer comes up to him and yells frantically, "What the hell do you think you're doing? There's a public toilet 20 feet from here!"
The man, amazed, yells back, "What do you think I have, a hose??!"
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Tantilazing
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| Posted by Jamie N. Lewis on 09-Aug-2005 | Pay by the inchThree friends decided to visit a prostitute.
It was a slow night, so she gave the guys a deal. "You can pay by the inch," she said.
The first man leaves with the hooker, and comes back out.
"How much did she charge you?" asked the other two.
"$75 dollars," said the first.
The second guy goes in, and returns after paying a fee of $85.
The first two were proud of their prowess.
The third man goes in and returns.
"How much did she charge you?" the first two asked.
"$20 dollars," replies the third.
The first two start laughing hysterically.
"Hey guys," replied the third, "I'm not so stupid, I paid on the way out instead of on the way in!"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
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| Posted by Holly K. Ayres on 09-Aug-2005 | Pretty uglyMARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do you think, Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
Submitted by sai1ram
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by morgan bynum on 09-Aug-2005 | Miltary HumorAn Army General, a Marine General and a Navy Admiral were all enjoying a round of brew when they decided to have a contest.
"Let's see which service has the most balls," one of them said, and the rest agreed.
So the Army General took them to his base, went out to the Rifle Range and, finding a soldier, ordered him, "Son, run out there in the middle of all that weapons fire and fetch me a white rock."
The soldier complied.
The General turned to his friends and stated, "Now, that's balls."
The Marine General took them to just outside his base, found a young Fire Eater and told him, "Marine, see that Biker Bar across the street? Go in there and tell them they're all a bunch of a-hole, un-American sissies who couldn't fight their way out of a whore house."
The Marine complied, got his ass kicked, and came back out.
"That's balls," said the General.
The Admiral smirked a bit and took them to the Naval Base. Stopping at a pier, he got out, grabbed a bullhorn and shouted to a young Seaman who was painting the mast, 50 feet above the deck. "Hey Sailor, I want you to swan dive your sorry ass off that mast down here to me....that's an order."
The seaman looked down at the Admiral and yelled back, "Fuck you, sir."
The Admiral smiled at his friends and said, "Gentlemen, game, set, match."
Submitted by Yisman
Edited by Curtis
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