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| Posted by Christer J. Kauppinen on 09-Aug-2005 | CribObserving the baby one night a wife found her husband standing over their baby's crib.
Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, skepticism.
Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband. "A penny for your thoughts," she said.
"It's amazing!" he replied. "I just can't see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $46.50."
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by missa whowantstoknow on 09-Aug-2005 | Manic depressionIn a class on abnormal psychology, the instructor was about to introduce the subject of manic depression.
The instructor asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth, screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear raised his hand and suggested earnestly, "A basketball coach?"
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by robyn on 09-Aug-2005 | Elderly driverTwo elderly women were out driving in a large car, both could barely see over the dashboard.
As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light."
After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again.
Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it.
She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through.
So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Crap, am I driving?"
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by bubble and squeak on 09-Aug-2005 | Men in the desertThere was three men in a desert, they found a broken down car.
The first man took the water bottle, the other two men asked him "Why?".
"Well," he replied " If I get thirsty I will have a drink."
The second man took off the roof and told the others he had took it for shade.
The third man decided to take the doors off, when he was asked why. He said.
" Well if I get hot I can wind down the windows!"
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Debbo on 09-Aug-2005 | Patent OfficeThis man goes along to the Patent Office with some of his new designs.
He says to the clerk, "I'd like to register my new invention. It's a folding bottle."
"OK," says the clerk. "What do you call it?"
"A fottle, replies the inventor."
"A fottle? That's a stupid! Can't you think of something else?"
"I can think about it. I've got something else though. It's a folding carton."
"And what do you call that?" asks the clerk.
"A farton", replies the inventor.
"That's rude. You can't possibly call it that!"
"In that case," says the inventor...
"You're really going to hate the name of my folding bucket."
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Deliliah L. Cutting on 09-Aug-2005 | Day offSo you want a day off? Let's take a look at what you are asking for!
There are 365 days this year.
There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work.
Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available.
You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break. That accounts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available.
With a one hour lunch period each day, you have used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work.
You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days available for work.
We are off for 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days.
We generously give you 14 days vacation per year which leaves only one day available for work and I'll be damned if you're going to take that day off!
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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