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| Posted by cody on 14-Aug-2005 | CruisingA man wanted to determine if both his wife and mistress were
faithful to him. So he decided to send them on the same
cruise, then later question each one on the other's behavior.
When his wife returned, he asked her about the people on the
trip in general, then casually asked her about the specific
behavior of the passenger he knew to be his mistress. "She
slept with nearly every man on the ship," his wife reported.
The disheartened man then rendezvoused with his cheating
mistress to ask her the same questions about his wife.
"She was a real lady," his mistress said.
"How so?" the encouraged man asked.
"She came on board with her husband and never left his side."
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| Posted by IOVANA on 14-Aug-2005 | Blind EyeThe husband arrives home early from work one evening to see his
wife on the floor scrubbing the kitchen tiles.
Her tantalizing rear is shaking and she is only wearing a mini
skirt and a pair of white cotton knickers. Because she is bent
over, her panties are showing out the bottom of her skirt. The
husband also notices that her panties have a little wet spot,
meaning she is ready for him
He tip toes over to her and she is completely unaware of his
presence. He pulls down her panties and begins to lick up her
juices. She is groaning and moaning and shaking her rear at him.
He gets a hard on and decides to fuck her right then and there.
he whips out his cock and proceeds to fuck her like he never has
before. It went on for hours. When he was finished, he clipped
her over the ear.
She looked stunned, turned to him and said "What was that for?"
He replied, "That was for not turning around to see who it was!"
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| Posted by Kevin A. Mccarthy on 14-Aug-2005 | Paddy in a WeddingAt a wedding just outside Cavan in Ireland, everyone got pissed
and the bride's and groom's families wrecked the reception room
and generally kicked the crap out of each other. The Police got
called in to break up the fight. The following week, all members
of both families appeared in court. The fight continued in the
court room until the Judge finally bought calm with the use of
his hammer, shouting, "Silence in Court!"
The court room went silent and Paddy, the best man, stood up and
said, "Judge, I was the best man at the wedding and I think I
should explain what happened." The Judge agreed and asked Paddy
to take the stand. Paddy began his explanation by telling the
court that it is traditional in a Cavan wedding that the Best
Man gets the first dance with the Bride.
Paddy said, "After I had finished the first dance, the music
kept going, so I continued dancing to the second song, and after
that the music kept going and I was dancing to the third song,
when all of a sudden the groom leapt over the table, ran towards
us and gave the bride an unmerciful kick in her privates."
The Judge instantly responded, "God...that must of hurt!" Paddy
replied "Hurt! He broke three of me fucking fingers!"
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| Posted by Ellsworth on 14-Aug-2005 | My Husband Is No Fun...A woman walked into the doctors and said, "My Husband Is No Fun.
He never wants love, never wants sex. Everytime I ask him to
shag me it's not the usual "I'll think about it," it's just a
blatent "No!" He hides his dick from me, he sleeps in bed with
his pyjamas on, he never gets an erection. His sex life is
simply awful."
The doctor said, "I think you need to give him this viagra
pill," and handed him a yellowish coloured pill.
"No no no no no no no! He won't take it. He's awful with pills
and he dosen't want to be aroused," the woman replied.
The doctor said, "Just stick in his tea then. he won't notice."
The woman replied, "He dosen't like tea."
"What does he like then? Coffee?" the doctor asked.
"Yes," the woman replied.
"OK," the doctor said. "Come back when you've tried it."
So within the next week she was back.
"It was awful," she replied. "He climbed on me as if he was in a
trance. He kept going on and on about how much he wanted to shag
me and to lick my cunt. He felt my tits, snogged me against my
will and even got his dick out of his fly and stuck it in my
face."
"Hmmmmmm," the doctor replied. "Well how can that be really bad?
It was what you wanted wasn't it?"
"Yes," the woman replied. "But I don't think it'd be a good idea
to show my face in McDonalds again."
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| Posted by Eastieboy on 14-Aug-2005 | Guys' Night OutThese two buddies were out at the bar having a drink talking
when one of the guys say, "You know when I go home after being
out with the guys I turn off the engine and coast into the
driveway, take my shoes off and tip toe up the stairs. Then I
quietly sneak into bed...but it never fails, every time my wife
wakes up and gives me shit for coming home too late."
His buddy replies, "Really? I screech into the driveway, slam
the door, run upstairs, jump in bed, put my hand on my wifes ass
and say...how about a blowjob honey? And she is asleep every
time."
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| Posted by Jennifer S. Chmielewski on 14-Aug-2005 | Ex-Wife's WishA woman was walking on the beach right after a horrible,
divorce, feeling really depressed about the fact that she has
nobody, and no job and has to live off alimony, and she kicks
this bottle.
Out comes a Genie, and he says "I see you are a divorcee, a I
hate divorcees! I have been paying me ex alimony for the past
10,000,000 years!!!, however, you did free me, and I will give
you a wish, 1 wish, and your ex will get five times as much."
She starts thinking what she can ask for that will be good for
her and bad for her ex, first she wants to ask for a million
dollars, but then realizes that her ex will get ten million.
then she was going to be the most beautiful person in the world,
but then realizes that her ex will look even better.
After a long time of thinking she says "I know what I want. I
realize that my ex will get 5 times as much, and anyways, I
decided that I want to marry a handsome man, and give birth to
his child."
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