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| Posted by Nick G. Davis on 10-Aug-2005 | CuredA woman went to her doctor's office. She was seen by one of the new doctors,
but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming and
ran down the hall.
An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she explained.
He had her sit down and relaxes in another room.
The older doctor marched back to the first and demanded, "What's the matter
with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven
grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"
The new doctor smiled smugly as he continued to write on his clipboard.
"Cured her hiccups though, didn't it?"
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| Posted by Tar on 10-Aug-2005 | Tip offHe was standing in line at a restaurant, waiting to pay my bill behind two
women who handed the young waitress a credit card. After swiping the card, she
loudly called out to her manager, "Mr. Allen, what do I do if it says
'rejected'?"
As the women's faces reddened and customers turned to look, Mr.
Allen walked out from the kitchen. "Well," he answered, wiping his hands, "the
first thing you do is shout it out loud enough to embarrass the customer, who
might have been thinking of leaving you a tip."
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| Posted by Jaiva on 10-Aug-2005 | Vacation plansBilly Bob and Vern talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Vern, "Yaw know,
I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm going to do it a
little different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go and
all."
??? Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and
Pauline got pregnant.
??? Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Pauline got
pregnant again.
??? Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Pauline didn't get pregnant
again."
Vern asks Billy Bob, "So, what you going to do this year that's
different?"
Billy Bob says, "This year I'm taking Pauline with me."
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| Posted by Kabez Blesing on 10-Aug-2005 | Communication problemA judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked,
"What are the grounds for your divorce?"
She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the
property with a stream running by."
"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.
"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"
"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's
parents."
He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"
"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed
one."
"Please," he tried again, "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the
music, but the answer to your questions is yes."
"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"
"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"
"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My
husband does. He said he can't communicate with me."
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| Posted by Kitty K. Kitty on 10-Aug-2005 | True loveA woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months,
yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he
motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have
been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to
support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were
by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health
started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?"
"What dear?" she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
"I think you're bad luck."
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| Posted by "Leppy" on 10-Aug-2005 | Bad prognosisA woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the
doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is
suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you
don't do the following, your husband will surely die:
"Each morning fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant and make sure he's in a
good mood. For lunch, make him a nutritious meal he can take to work. And for
dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as
this could further his stress. Don't discuss your problems with him, as that
will only make him stress worse. Try to relax your husband in the evening by
wearing lingerie and giving him plenty of back rubs. Encourage him to watch some
type of sporting event on TV. And most importantly, make love with your husband
several times a week and satisfy his every whim.
"If you can do this for 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain
his health completely."
On the way home the husband asked his wife , "What did the doctor say?"
"You're going to die," she replied.
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