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| Posted by Moya R. Hodek on 09-Aug-2005 | CustodyA man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem.
The mother leaped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.
The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification.
After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied...
"Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or the machine?"
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Tantilazing
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| Posted by The Joker on 09-Aug-2005 | 35th AnniversaryA married couple, both 60 years old, were celebrating their 35th anniversary.
During their party, a fairy appeared to congratulate them and grant them each one wish.
The wife wanted to travel around the world.
The fairy waved her wand and poof, the wife had tickets in her hand for a world cruise.
Next, the fairy asked the husband what he wanted.
He said, "I wish I had a wife 30 years younger than me."
So the the fairy picked up her wand and poof, the husband was 90.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by BreeBrown
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| Posted by anna hindu on 09-Aug-2005 | The experimentAn efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution.
"You need to be careful about trying these techniques at home."
"Why?" asked somebody from the audience.
"I watched my wife's routine at dinner for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time.
One day I told her, 'Honey, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'
"Did it save time?" the guy in the audience asked.
"Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to take her 30 minutes to make dinner.
Now I do it in ten..."
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by bourban on 09-Aug-2005 | His last wishesSometime after Sidney died, his widow, Tillie, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and wonderful man her late husband had been.
"Sidney thought of everything," she told them. "Just before he died, Sidney called me to his bedside. He handed me three envelopes. 'Tillie,' he told me, 'I have put all my last wishes in these three envelopes. After I am dead, please open them and do exactly as I have instructed. Then, I can rest in peace'."
"What was in the envelopes?" her friends asked.
"The first envelope contained $5,000 with a note, 'Please use this money to buy a nice casket.' So I bought a beautiful mahogany casket with such a comfortable lining that I know Sidney is resting very comfortably."
"The second envelope contained $10,000 with a note, 'Please use this for anice funeral 'I arranged Sidney a very dignified funeral and bought all his favorite foods for everyone attending."
"And the third envelope?" asked her friends.
"The third envelope contained $25,000 with a note, 'Please use this to buy a nice stone.'"
Holding her hand in the air, Tillie said...
"So, do you like my stone?" showing off her 10 carat diamond ring.
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Tantilazing
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| Posted by WilloLuvsSocks on 09-Aug-2005 | Life of the partyThe couple were leaving the cocktail party, where the husband, slightly flushed, had been the life of the party.
"John," she said, "did anyone ever tell you how fascinating, how romantic, and how handsome you are?"
"No," the man replied happily, looking at his wife, "I don't think anyone ever did."
"Well," she snapped, "then where did you ever get the idea?"
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Dr Drew on 09-Aug-2005 | Mule in demandA man was traveling down a country road when he saw a large group of people outside a house.
He stopped and asked a person why the large crowd was there.
A farmer replied, "Joe's mule kicked his mother-in-law and she died."
"Well," replied the man, "she must have had a lot of friends."
"Nope," said the farmer, "we all just want to buy his mule."
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
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