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| Posted by Katiekate m. Star on 09-Aug-2005 | Custom fitThere is a sign in the drugstore window: "Condoms, custom fit."
So a man walks up to the counter and asks for a condom, like the sign says.
The man at the counter tells him to see Edith in aisle 4. So the man finds Edith.
Edith grabs the man by the crotch, then gets on the PA system and says, "Medium condom. Medium condom."
Well the man is embarrassed, but goes to the counter to get his condom.
Later, a second man sees the sign in the window, and goes up to the counter to get his condom.
The druggist tells him to see Edith in aisle 4.
Same thing happens, Edith grabs his crotch, gets on the PA and says, "Large condom, this man needs a large condom."
The man is pleased, at least, to be a large.
Next a teenager goes into the drugstore to get a fitted condom, and is told to see Edith is aisle 4.
Edith grabs his crotch, gets on the PA and says, "Clean-up in aisle 4, clean-up in aisle 4."
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Holly Griman on 09-Aug-2005 | Feeling guiltyA young woman took her troubles to a psychiatrist.
"Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date a nice guy, I end up in bed with him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week."
"I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter."
"For God's sake, NO!" exclaimed the woman. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
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| Posted by Ben Travis on 09-Aug-2005 | Dictionary for womanArgument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.
Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.
Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he, "made the dinner."
Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.
Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. Gotta get married in a church.
Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.
Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.
Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.
Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.
Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.
Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."
Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space-if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.
Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus,...breath...push..."
Lipstick (lip*stik) n. On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!
Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.
Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."
Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.
Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Ryan C. on 09-Aug-2005 | Best toastJohn O' Neill hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."
She said, "Aye, what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's toasting buddies on the street corner.
The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize, the other night, with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye and I was a bit surprised me self! You know, he's only been there twice! Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by BreeBrown
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| Posted by derek on 09-Aug-2005 | Not yetA very naive British sailor is in a bar in London.
He meets a wild girl, and she takes him upstairs.
She takes off her pants and her panties.
He looks between her legs, and he says, "What's that?"
She says, "It's me lower mouth."
He says, "What do you mean, 'your lower mouth?'"
She says, "Just what I said, it's me lower mouth. It's got a moustache... It's got lips..."
He asks, "Has it got a tongue in it?"
She says, "Not yet."
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Anashel k. Hall on 09-Aug-2005 | Long and whiteWhat's eleven inches long and white?
Nothing.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
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