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| Posted by Whiteknight Whiteknight on 10-Aug-2005 | Cutting a dealDuring the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the vicar with an unusual
offer. "Look, I??™ll give you $100 if you??™ll change the wedding vows. When you get
to me and the part where I??™m to promise to ???love, honor and obey??™ and ???forsaking
all others, be faithful to her forever,??™ I??™d appreciate it if you??™d just leave
that part out."
He passed the clergyman the cash and walked away satisfied.
It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that
part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the
groom??™s vows, the vicar looks the young man in the eye and says:
"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and
wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally
before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another
woman, as long as you both shall live?"
The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes???.
The groom leaned toward the vicar and hissed, "I thought we had a deal."
The vicar put the $100 into his hand and whispered back, "She made me a much
better offer???.
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| Posted by nate SmiTH on 10-Aug-2005 | Single and married womenQ: Why are married women heavier than single women?
A: Single women come home, see whets in the fridge, and go to bed. Married
women come home, see whets in bed, and go to the fridge.
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| Posted by Derek K. Lewis on 10-Aug-2005 | How to shower like a manShort version:
1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them
in a pile on the floor.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing a towel. If you see your girlfriend/wife
along the way, flash her.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see
if you have pecks. (No.)
4. Turn on the water.
5. Check for pecks again. (Still no.)
6. Get in the shower.
7. Don't bother to look for a washcloth. (You don't use one.)
8. Wash your face.
9. Wash your armpits.
10. Wash your penis and surrounding area.
11. Wash your ass.
12. Shampoo your hair. (Do not use conditioner.)
13. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
14. Open the door and look at you in the mirror.
15. Pee.
16. Rinse off and get out of the shower.
17. Return to the bedroom wearing a towel, if you pass your girlfriend/wife,
flash her.
Long version:
Replace #10 with: Masturbate using soap.
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| Posted by Nichole Wong on 10-Aug-2005 | 10 REASONS IT'S GREAT TO BE A GUY!1) You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the
mood.
2) You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
3) If something mechanical doesn't work, you can bash it with a hammer or
throw it across the room.
4) New shoes don't blister, cut, and mangle your feet.
5) Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.
6) You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
7) Not liking a person doesn't preclude having great sex with them.
8) Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So...notice anything
different?"
9) Bay watch
10) There's always a game on somewhere.
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| Posted by Pik_a_Kitten on 10-Aug-2005 | Bride smile when she walks up the aisleQ. Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle?
A. She knows she's given her last blowjob.
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| Posted by Josh R. Aldrich on 10-Aug-2005 | Bob and a guyBob goes into the public restroom and sees this guy standing next to the
urinal. The guy has no arms. As Bob's standing there, taking care of business,
he wonders to himself how the poor wretch is going to take a leak. Bob finishes
and starts to leave when the man asks Bob to help him out. Being a kind soul,
Bob says, "Ah, OK, sure, I'll help you???. The man asks, "Can you unzip my
zipper?" Bob says, "OK???. Then the man says, "Can you pull it out for me?" Bob
replies, "Uh, yeah, OK???. Bob pulls it out, it has all kinds of mold, and red
bumps, with hair clumps, rashes, moles, scabs, scars, and wreaks something
awful. Then the guy asks Bob to point it for him, and Bob points it for him. Bob
then shakes it, puts it back in, and zips it up. The guy tells Bob, "Thanks,
man, I really appreciate it???. Bob says, "No problem, but what the hell's wrong
with your penis?" The guy pulls his arms out of his shirt and says, "I don't
know, but I isn??™t touching it.
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