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| Posted by Scott Mcrae on 09-Aug-2005 | Dad won't sayTen things that dads probably don't say too often!
10. 'Well, how 'bout that?... I'm lost. Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions.'
9. 'You know Pumpkin, now that you're 13, you'll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun?'
8. 'I notice that all your friends have a certain "up yours" attitude... I like that.'
7. 'Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car... go crazy.'
6. 'What do you mean you wanna play rugby? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?'
5. 'Your mother and I are going away for the weekend... you might want to consider throwing a party.'
4. 'Well, I don't know what's wrong with your car. Probably one of those watchamacallits - you know - that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.'
3. 'No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring, now quit your belly-aching and let's go to the mall.'
2. 'Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.'
1. 'Father's Day? Don't worry about that - it's no big deal.'
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| Posted by Angelic Beauty on 09-Aug-2005 | 3 blondes wishThree blondes are walking on the beach and find genie lamp.
The Genie says "look girls, there are three of you.. so only ONE wish each!
The 1st blonde says "Genie, I think that I would like to be a little bit smarter"... POOF!!!
She is a REDHEAD!
The 2nd blonde says "Genie,... I think I would like to be a little smarter still!"...POOF!!!
She is a BRUNETTE!
3rd blonde says "Genie... I have been a blonde ALL my life!..Men buy me cars,..give me money,...and jewels... I think I would like to be a little DUMBER!!"...POOF!!!
She is a MAN!!
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| Posted by Amy M. Spring on 09-Aug-2005 | Most important menA womans most important men:
Who are the most important men in women??™s' life:
The Doctor because he says take your clothes off.
The Dentist because he says open wide.
The Milkman because he says do you want it in front or back.
The Hair Dresser because he says do you want it teased or blown.
The Interior Designer because he says once it is in you will love it.
The Banker because he says if you take it out too soon you'll loose interest.
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| Posted by Patty M on 09-Aug-2005 | Child birthA woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her first pregnancy.
The doctor asks her if she has any questions.
She replies, "Well, I'm a little worried about the pain. How much will childbirth hurt?"
The doctor answered, "Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy and besides, it's difficult to describe pain."
"I know, but can't you give me some idea?," she asks.
"Grab your upper lip and pull it out a little..."
"Like this?"
"A little more..."
"Like this?"
"No. A little more..."
"Like this?"
"Yes. Does that hurt?"
"A little bit."
"Now stretch it over your head!"
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| Posted by Whilicher on 09-Aug-2005 | Facelift 2This woman of forty, being a rather vain person, decided she needed a face lift. With her pocketbook as large as her ego, she went to several plastic surgeons before choosing the best money could buy. The doctor assured her that he could make her look young for many years because of a new technique he used.
After the operation the doc told her that he had put a screw behind each ear that she could tighten as needed to keep her fresh young look.
The woman was pleased for several years until one morning when she noticed bags under her eyes. Furiously she stormed into the doctor's office demanding to know why there where bags under her eyes.
The doctor replied, "Lady those aren't bags, they're your tits and if you don't stop turning those screws you're going to have a beard!"
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| Posted by Basketball Babe on 09-Aug-2005 | Firm this up.A woman comes out of the shower one morning. Her husband sneaks up behind her, grabs a hold of her breasts, and says 'honey, if you firm these up a little bit you wouldn't have to wear a bra quite as much.'
She was furious and didn't speak to him for the rest of the week.
The next week, as she comes out of the shower, he sneaks up behind her again, grabs a hold of her buttocks, and says 'honey, if you firm these up a little bit, you wouldn't have to wear a girdle quite as much.
Well she was furious.
Next morning, he comes out of the shower, and she sneaks up behind him, grasp a hold of his penis, and says 'you know honey, if you firm this up a little bit, I wouldn't have to see your brother quite as much!!!"
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