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| Posted by Dan Sabo on 14-Aug-2005 | daddy longlegsOne day, little Suzy was being babysat at her grandparents'
house. Her grandfather was going to clean out the shed, and she
went to see what he was doing.
She noticed two spiders in the corner, with one on top of the
other one, and said, "Grandpa, what is that spider on top?"
The grandpa looks at the spiders, and says, "Well, that's a
daddy longlegs." and continues with cleaning out the shed. A few
minutes pass, and the little girl is still curious about the
spiders. She says, "Is the one on bottom the Mommy longlegs?"
The grandpa says, "No, that's a daddy longlegs too, Sweetie,"
Then, the little girl walks over, stomps on and kills the
spiders and says "We're not gonna have any of that shit around
here!"
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| Posted by JaymeE HarpeR on 14-Aug-2005 | Head of Penis StudyIn 1993, the American Government funded a study to see why the
head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After one year
and $180,000.00, they concluded that the reason the head was
larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during
sex. After the US published the study, France decided to do
their own study. After $250,000.00, and 3 years of research,
they concluded that the reason was to give the woman more
pleasure during sex. Poland, unsatisfied with these findings,
conducted their own study. After 2 weeks and a cost of around
$75.46, they concluded that it was to keep a man's hand from
flying off and hitting him in the forehead.
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| Posted by hotti4u on 14-Aug-2005 | Math jokeOne day a teacher told her student's to make a sentence using
the math terms add, subtract, divide, multiply. When time was
over she called on a student named Johnny he said this is the
process of having sex. He said, first you add the bed, subtract
the clothes, a divide the legs and hope you don't multiply.
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| Posted by frank on 14-Aug-2005 | Freezing my PenisAn Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old pen buggy one cold,
blustery January day. The daughter said to the mother, "My hands are
freezing cold." The mother replied, "Put your hands between your legs. The
body heat will warm them up." So the daughter did, and her hands warmed up.
The next day, the daughte rwas riding in the buggy with her boyfriend. The
boyfriend said, "My hands are freezing cold." The daughter replied, "Put
them between my legs, they'll warm up."
The next day, the boyfriend was again driving in the buggy with the
daughter. He said, "My nose is freezing cold." The daughter replied, "Put
it between my legs. It will warm up." He did, and his nose warmed up.
The next day, the boyfriend was once again driving with the daughter and
he said, "My penis is frozen solid."
The next day, the daughter is driving in the buggy with her mother, and
she says to her mother, "Have you ever heard of a penis?" The slightly
concerned mother says, "Sure, why do you ask?" The daughter says, "Well,
they make one hell of a mess when they thaw out!"
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| Posted by Richard R. Dooley on 14-Aug-2005 | Chicken FarmerA woman walks into her accountant's office and tells him that she needs to
file her taxes.
The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask a few questions."
He gets her name, address, social security number, and then asks, "What is
your occupation?" The woman replies, "I'm a whore." The accountant balks
and says, "No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too crass. Let's
try to rephrase that." The woman, "Ok, I'm a prostitute." "No, that is
still too crude. Try again."
They both think for a minute, then the woman states, "I'm a chicken
farmer." The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with
being a whore or a prostitute?" "Well, I raised over 5,000 cocks last
year."
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| Posted by Terry Emhemed on 14-Aug-2005 | Midnight PatrolA policeman was patrolling near midnight at a local parking spot
overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with
the dome light on. Inside there was a young man in the driver's seat
reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat calmly
knitting.
He stopped to investigate
He walked up to the driver's window and knocked. The young man looked up,
obligingly cranked the window down, and said, "Yes, Officer?"
"What are you doing?" the policeman asked.
"What does it look like?" answered the young man. "I'm reading this
magazine."
Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer then asked,
"And what is she doing?"
The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, "I think she's
knitting a sweater."
Confused, the officer asked, "How old are you, young man?" "I'm nineteen,"
he replied.
"And how old is she?" asked the officer.
The young man looked at his watch and said,
"Well, in about twelve minutes she'll be eighteen."
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