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| Posted by Tiocfaidh ArLa on 09-Aug-2005 | Damaging FoodA dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago.
"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the germs in our drinking water.
But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all of us eat it.
Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I'm referring to? You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea."
The man lowered his head and said, "Wedding cake."
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| Posted by Rikki d. Beriault on 09-Aug-2005 | Shooting the BullTwo hunters went moose hunting every winter without success.
Finally, they came up with a foolproof plan.
They got a very authentic female moose costume and learned the mating call of a female moose.
The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull.
They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume and began to give the moose love call.
Before long, their call was answered as a bull came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing.
When the bull was close enough, the guy in front said, "Okay, let's get out and get him."
After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted, "The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do?"
The guy in the front says, "Well, I'm going to start nibbling grass, but you'd better brace yourself."
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| Posted by Dinesh SJ on 09-Aug-2005 | Time offTwo men working in a facory were talking. "I know how to get some time off," said one.
"How are you going to do that?"
"Watch," he said, and climbed up on a rafter.
The foreman asked what he was doing up there, and the man replied."I'm a lightbulb."
"I think you need some time off," the foreman said said, and the first man walked out of the factory. After a moment, the second man followed him.
"Where do you think you're going?" the foreman shouted.
"I can't work in the dark," he said.
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| Posted by eric s. jozovich on 09-Aug-2005 | Real happinessThen there was a woman who said, "I never knew what real happiness was
until I got married; and by then it was too late!
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| Posted by bob pope on 09-Aug-2005 | AttractiveWomen will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are attractive to the
opposite sex.
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| Posted by Cutie23Girl on 09-Aug-2005 | Proctological examA few days before his proctological exam, a one eyed man accidentally swallowed his glass eye. He was worried for a while, but there were no ill effects, so he forgot about it.
Once he was in the doctor's office, the man followed instructions, undressed, and bent over.
The first thing the proctologist saw when he looked up the man's arse was that eye staring right back at him.
"You know, " said the doctor, "you really have to learn to trust me."
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