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| Posted by daniel baier on 09-Aug-2005 | Dancing PartnersLittle Johnny is bored all day, hanging around the house. He goes into his parents room and finds them having sex.
"What are you doing?"
Johnny asks.
"Uh, well, we're dancing."
replies his mother.
"What's daddy doing?"
"He's my partner, now run along."
A few nights later, Johnny goes into his sisters room and catches her having sex with her boyfriend.
"What are you doing?"
"Ummm, dancing."
"What's your boyfriend doing?"
"He's my partner, now get out of here!"
Then Thanksgiving came around and Johnny's relatives were at his house. Johnny went into the bathroom and saw his grandfather beating his meat.
"What are you doing?"
Johnny once again asks.
"Why I'm dancing."
said his grandfather.
"Well, where is your partner?"
His grandfather replied, "When you've danced as long as I have, you don't need a partner."
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| Posted by Cher_94 on 09-Aug-2005 | $20 HookerThis guy is walking down the boardwalk in Atlantic City and he runs into a hooker.
He says, "How much?"
She says, "Twenty bucks."
He says, "All right."
They climb down under the boardwalk, and he bangs her. The next night, he runs into the same hooker. They go under the boardwalk, only this time while he's banging her, she blasts two incredible farts. When they get done, he hands her twenty-FIVE dollars.
She says, "What the extra five?"
He says, "That's for blowing the sand off my balls."
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| Posted by Gracey Lou Freebush on 09-Aug-2005 | Best FeatureRyan rents an apartment in New York and goes to the lobby to put his name on the group mailbox. While he is there, an attractive young lady comes out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe. Ryan smiles at the young girl and she strikes up a conversation with him. As they talk, her robe slips open, and it's quite obvious that she has nothing under the robe. Poor Ryan breaks out into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes, she places her hand on his arm and says, "Let's go in my apartment, I can hear someone coming."
He proceeds with her into the apartment, and after she closes the door, she leans against it allowing her robe to fall off completely. Being completely nude, she purrs at him, "What would you say is my best feature?"
The flustered, embarrassed Ryan stammers, clears his throat several times, and finally squeaks out, "Oh, it's got to be your ears!"
She's astounded! "Why my ears? Look at these breasts! They are full, don't sag and they're 100% natural! My buns -- they are firm and do not sag and have no cellulite! Look at this skin -- no blemishes, or scars! Why in heaven's name would you say my ears are the best part of my body?!"
Clearing his throat once again, Ryan stammers, "Outside when you said you heard someone coming -- that was me."
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| Posted by cao on 09-Aug-2005 | Grandad's Sex AdAt his wedding reception, the young groom's grandad congratulated his grandson and said: "The secret to enjoying a long and happy marriage, is to listen to each other at all times, respect each other's wishes and to try and have sex in moderation. That way, your marriage will last as long as your grandma's and mine has."
Thanking him for his advice, the grandson said: "What's sex like then when you get older, granddad?"
His granddad looked at his grandson, smiled and said: "Just like trying to play pool with a piece of rope!"
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| Posted by Harriet Uhm on 09-Aug-2005 | $5 for a PenguinA guy is walking down the street, and he's really horny. So he goes to the first whore house he sees. He only has five dollars, so they kick him out.
The guy goes to the next one. But, since he only has five dollars, he gets kicked out again.
So by this time, he's really super horny, so he goes to the next one and says "Look, I only have five dollars. I'm really horny, and I need a blow-job for 5 dollars!"
The guy there says "OK. For five dollars, we can give you a penguin."
"What's a penguin?"
"You'll see."
So, the guy takes the $5 and leads the horny man to a bedroom. The horny man unzips his pants, and waits for his "penguin."
Soon, a whore comes in and starts giving the guy a blow job. Just as he's about to let loose, she stops and walks away. Now, the horny guy with his pants at his ankles, waddles after her, shouting "HEY! WHAT'S A PENGUIN?!"
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| Posted by Mike Richards on 09-Aug-2005 | Caught EntertainingLittle Johnny's father walks into the bathroom and catches him masturbating. He says, "Son, every time you do that you kill an innocent baby."
The next day his father walks into the bathroom and catches him again. Johnny says, "Bow your head, Dad. Can't you see we're having a funeral?"
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