|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
| Posted by Trent Reeve on 08-Aug-2005 | Dangerous FoodA dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. 'The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all eat it. Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I'm referring to? You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea.'
The man lowered his head and said, 'Wedding cake.'
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Joshua R. Cameron on 08-Aug-2005 | Love at First SightA man who lived in a block of apartments thought it was raining and put his head out the window to check. As he did so a glass eye fell into his hand.
He looked up to see where it came from in time to see a young woman looking down.
'Is this yours?' he asked.
She said, 'Yes, could you bring it up?' The man agreed. On arrival she was profuse in her thanks and offered the man a drink. As she was very attractive he agreed. Shortly afterwards she said, 'I'm about to have dinner. There's plenty; would you like to join me?' He readily accepted her offer and both enjoyed a lovely meal. As the evening was drawing to a close the lady said, 'I've had a marvellous evening. Would you like to stay the night?'
The man hesitated then said, 'Do you act like this with every man you meet?'
'No', she replied, 'only with those who catch my eye.'
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
():love jokes (2491): Elderly Gentleman Gets Hearing Back |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by sorin s. dohanes on 08-Aug-2005 | Elderly Gentleman Gets Hearing BackAn elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He finally went to a doctor, and was fitted with excellent new hearing aids.
He returned a month later for a checkup, and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect! Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family just yet. I still sit around quietly; but, now I listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times already.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
():love jokes (2491): Before and After in Marriage |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by bob pope on 08-Aug-2005 | Before and After in MarriageBefore - You take my breath away.
After - I feel like I'm suffocating.
Before - She loves the way I take control of a Situation.
After - She called me a controlling, manipulative, egomaniac.
Before - Ricky & Lucy.
After - Fred & Ethel.
Before - Saturday Night Live.
After - Monday Night Football.
Before - He makes me feel like a million dollars.
After - If I had a dime for every stupid thing he's done...
Before - Is that all you are eating?
After - Maybe you should just have a salad, honey.
Before - Wheel of Fortune.
After - Jeopardy.
Before - It's like living a dream.
After - It's a nightmare.
Before - Turbocharged.
After - Needs a jump-start
Before - We agree on everything!
After - Doesn't she have a mind of her own?
Before - Idol.
After - Idle.
Before - He's lost without me.
After - Why can't he ask for directions?
Before - When together, time stands still.
After - This relationship is going nowhere.
Before - Oysters.
After - Fishsticks.
Before - I can hardly believe we found each other.
After - How did I end up with someone like you?
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Kenny Ross on 08-Aug-2005 | PaintingA woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond rings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and gold Rolex." "But you are not wearing any of those things," he replied. "I know," she said. "It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Loverble Cats on 08-Aug-2005 | 20 Years In PrisonA woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed. In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs. She went downstairs and looked all around, finally finding her husband in the basement, crouched in the corner, facing the wall, and
sobbing.
"What's wrong with you?" she asked him.
"Remember when your father caught us having sex when you were sixteen?", he replied.
"And remember he said I had two choices; I could either marry you, or spend the next twenty years in prison."
Baffled, she said, "Yes, I remember, so what?"
"I would have been released today."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
