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| Posted by Ronald Soe-Win on 09-Aug-2005 | DarlingWhat do you call a man who supports a woman's career, helps prepare the dinner, bathes the children and earns a six-figure income?
Darling.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by bob j. gates on 09-Aug-2005 | Stupid husbandA woman was in bed with her lover and had just told him how stupid her Irish husband was when the door was thrown open and there stood her husband.
He glared at her lover and bellowed, "What are you doing?"
"There," said the wife, "didn't I tell you he was stupid?"
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by daguydude dada on 09-Aug-2005 | Missing golf ballA man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped around his throat.
Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.
"Well it was like this," said the man. "I was having a quiet game of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it and while I was rooting around, I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end."
I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough there was my wife's golf ball.....stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake.
"What did you do?" asks the doctor.
"Well I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, "Hey this looks like yours!"
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Tantilazing
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| Posted by janet on 09-Aug-2005 | A lifetime of sex1.) The first is Smurf Sex. This happens during the honeymoon, you both keep doing it until you're blue in the face.
2.) The second is Kitchen Sex. This is at the beginning of the marriage, you'll have sex anywhere, anytime, even in the kitchen.
3.) The third kind is Bedroom Sex. You've calmed down a bit, perhaps have kids, so you gotta do it in the bedroom.
4.) The fourth kind is Hallway Sex. This is where you pass each other in the hallway and say, "F*ck you!"
5.) The fifth kind of sex is Courtroom Sex. This is when you get divorced and your wife screws you in front of everyone in the courtroom.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Tantilazing
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| Posted by Zach Evans on 09-Aug-2005 | NewlywedsA newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks.
The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."
"Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer."
The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?"
She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc...
The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, lolly pop ... but at the bar ... you know ... they have frozen glasses ..."
He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, puppy face?"
She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvre's that are really delicious ... I won't be long, I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"
"You want hors d'oeuvre's, poochi pooh?"
She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvre's: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.
"But my sweet honey ... at the bar ... you know ... there's swearing, dirty words and all that."
The wife replied, "You want dirty words, cutie pie? ... "LISTEN UP, DICKHEAD! DRINK YOUR FUCKING BEER IN YOUR GODDAMN FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR MOTHER FUCKING SNACKS, BECAUSE YOU AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE! GOT IT, ASSHOLE?"
... and, they lived happily ever after.
Now isn't that a sweet story?
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
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| Posted by quesadilla on 09-Aug-2005 | Hard to startHow are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work!
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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