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| Posted by Ethan Bailey on 09-Aug-2005 | Date In The 60sThe father was very anxious to marry off his only daughter so he wanted to impress her date. "Do you like to screw?" he asked.
"Huh?!" replied the surprised first date.
"My daughter, she loves to screw and she's good at it. You and her should go screw," explained the father.
Now very interested the boy replied, "Yes, sir!!!"
Minutes later the girl came down the stairs, kissed her father goodbye and the couple left. After only a few minutes she reappeared, furious, dress torn, hair a mess and screamed, "Dammit, Daddy, it's the TWIST, get it right!"
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| Posted by Zak L. Taylor on 09-Aug-2005 | Sleeping AroundMary and Betty were friends that worked in the same office. At lunch, Betty confided to her co-worker that she had an awful row with her husband the night before.
"What was it about?" asked Mary.
"He was going through a closet, looking for something, and found my birth control pills."
"Well?"
"He had a vasectomy two years ago!"
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| Posted by Chid V. Dam on 09-Aug-2005 | Free Drinks in IdahoA man from Idaho goes to New York City, on business, for the first time. After checking in to the hotel he goes down to the bar to have a drink. He orders a rum and coke. The bartender gives it to him and says, "That will be eight dollars."
He give the bartender the money and says, "Man, everything is so expensive here in New York!"
The bartender replies, "It cant be that much more than where you live."
The man replies, "Oh yes, it is! Why do you know that, in my home town, you can go out drinking all night for nothing! And if you feel you've had too much to drink. You can check into the finest hotel and spend the night for nothing! And not only that, when you wake up there is a twenty dollar bill on the pillow next to you!"
The incredulous bartender says, "I find that very hard to believe. Has that ever really happened to you?"
The guy replies, "Well no, not exactly...but it happens to my wife all the time!"
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| Posted by Martin Riggs on 09-Aug-2005 | Costly DivorceA middle-aged guy is out to dinner with his wife to celebrate her fortieth birthday.
He says, "So what would you like, Julie? A Jaguar? A sable coat? A diamond necklace?"
She says, "Bernie, I want a divorce."
"My goodness," he says, "I wasn't planning on spending that much."
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| Posted by madcat cw on 09-Aug-2005 | Unhappily MarriedA man is walking down a beach during sunset when he stumbles across a lamp. Picking it up he says to himself, "I wonder if it's magic. I think I'll rub it and find out."
Well sure enough this man rubs the lamp and a genie pops out. The genie says to the man, "I'm your genie and I am at your command. I shall grant you three wishes on one condition. Everything you wish for, your wife gets double."
Well the man thought about it and finally blurted out, "Give me a million dollars." So the genie gave him a million dollars and his wife two million while reminding him of the "one condition".
Next the man said, " I'd like a house on the east coast and a house on the west coast." So the genie gave him his two houses and his wife four houses.
Finally the genie said, "You have one wish remaining but remember, your wife gets double."
So the man thought for nearly an hour about his final wish. Looking up at the genie hovering over the sand he said with a sly grin on his face, "Ok Genie, I want you to beat me half to death."
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| Posted by sexy mole on 09-Aug-2005 | Who is the FatherA man lies on his deathbed surrounded by his family: a weeping wife and four children. Three of the children are tall, good-looking, and athletic; but the fourth and the youngest is an ugly runt.
"Darling wife," The husband whispers, "assure me that the youngest child really is mine. I want to know the truth before I die, I will forgive you if..."
The wife gently interrupts him. "Yes, my dearest, absolutely, no question, I swear on my mother's grave that you are his father."
The man dies, happy.
The wife mutters under her breath: "Thank God he didn't ask me about the other three!"
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