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| Posted by Canice J. Leung on 14-Aug-2005 | Daughter DatingThe mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter
was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant, and
adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family
doctor.
The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful, and
any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion.
He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth
control and, until then, talk to her and give her a box of
condoms.
Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date,
the woman told her about the situation and handed her a box of
condoms.
The girl started to laugh and reached over to hug her mother
saying, "Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating
Susan!"
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| Posted by andrew j. gregg on 14-Aug-2005 | Hot DogTwo college buddies wanted to go drinking one Saturday night.
Having only 50 cents between them they devised a plan to get
free drinks all night.
They went to a vendor at the corner and ordered a plain hot dog
no bun. One of the guys then placed the hotdog in the front of
his jeans. They proceeded to the first bar.
Not wanting to push their luck they kept the tab fairly low and
when the bartender asked for payment the two gentlemen looked at
each other and one guy opened his zipper and let the hotdog
protrude while the other got on his knees and placed his mouth
on it.
Disgusted with this scene the bartender threw the two out. This
went on for about 5 bars when one guy looked at the other and
said he was tired of getting on his knees, "Let me have the
hotdog in the next bar."
The first guy shrugged the guy off and said, "Oh shoot, I got
rid of that thing 3 bars back...."
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| Posted by jintro d. s on 14-Aug-2005 | Three RoostersOne day there were three roosters sitting on a roof
It was 6:30 in the morning and it was time for the roosters to
wake up the town.
The first rooster, who was straight, yelled, "Cockle dooodle
doo!!"
The second rooster, who was retarded, yelled, "Doodle doodle
cock!"
And the third rooster, who was gay, yelled, "Any cock will do!!!"
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| Posted by mat henderson on 14-Aug-2005 | Pastor SchoolThere were these 12 guys that were going to school to become
priests, and they were almost to the point of passing the class.
There was only one step left: they had to learn to resist
temptation. The teacher brings them to a dark room with no
windows, tells them to get naked, and they have to tie bells
around their penis'.
The teacher brings in a naked dancing girl, and tells them, if
you're bell rings, you haven't yet learned to resist temptation,
so you'll be kicked out of this school.
The girl starts dancing, and one guy's bell just starts ringing
like crazy. It rings so hard that it falls completly off. He
takes two steps forward, bends down, and 11 other bells go off.
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| Posted by Darnitol on 14-Aug-2005 | The Deer HunterA deer hunter was hunting in West Virginia one sunny afternoon,
and after getting a kill, proceeded to drag the deer back to his
vehicle. On his way, he was stopped by a redneck game warden.
"Boy, I see you got you one of them deer today! But, I'm afraid
I have to check your license and make sure you're on the
up-and-up." So the man produces a valid license and upon it's
return, proceeds towards his vehicle.
"Hold up, boy" says the warden, "I still gotta check that deer
there." Puzzled and confused, the hunter stops. The warden then
steps up to the deer, shoves his finger up the deer's ass, takes
it out and sniffs it. "Boy, I hate to tell you this, but this
deer is from Virginia and your license is from West Virgina...do
you have a Virginia license?" As luck would have it, the hunter
had one from the week before and showed it to the warden.
The next week, the same hunter got another kill and was headed
back to his vehicle. The same redneck warden stops him and asks
for a license. Once again, the hunter produces the license and
was once again told that the warden needed to check the deer.
The warden shoves his finger up the deer's ass, takes it out and
sniffs it. "Boy, this here buck is from Georgia...do you have a
license from Georgia?" As luck would have it, he did have one in
his glove box and showed it to the warden.
The next week, the same thing happened with deer and licenses
being from Tennessee, South Carolina and Alabama. Finally, after
the Alabama deer, the warden asks the hunter..."Son, you got
licenses from practically every state in the south...where are
you from anyway?" With that, the hunter drops his pants, bends
over and says..."Why don't you tell me?"
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| Posted by Matt L. Giardina on 14-Aug-2005 | The Facts of LifeThere was a little boy who walked onto a public bus . The little
boy started raving on and on about the facts of life to the bus
driver .
He said "if my daddy were a bull and my mommy were a cow I'd be
a little bull . If my daddy was a monkey and my mommy was a
monkey I'd be a little monkey .If my daddy were a fish and my
mommy were a ..." when all of the sudden the bus driver got so
angered that he pulled the bus off the road and said to the boy
" what if your mommy was a prostatute and your daddy was
gay".The boy thinks for a momment and then states in a cute
little voice "I'd be a bus driver".
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