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| Posted by bugzaboo on 09-Aug-2005 | daughter needs a prom dressOne day a daughter went to her father and asked for a prom dress. The father said, "if you give me a blowjob I will bye you the prettiest dress in the store!" She said "your gross dad" and went on her way. Two weeks before the prom she again asked her father for the dress, he replied "you know what to do, if you give me a blowjob, you will get the dress!" She again replied "your sick dad" and went on her way. Three days before the prom she again asked her dad for the dress, he again said "you know what to do to get the dress" except this time she agreed! After she got through giving him a blowjob she said "damn dad, your dick taste like shit!" He said " I know, your brother needed to barrow the car!
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| Posted by The Zipper on 09-Aug-2005 | two men on a deserttwo men were shipwrecked on a desert island inhabited by canibals, the cheif said that he was a fair man, and that he wouldnt eat the men if they went into the rainforest and brought out a wheelbarrow of his favourite fruit, the first man came out with grapes, and the cheif said sorry, but i will give you one more chance, if you can push all of those up your bum without laughing, i will let you go. the man gets to the last one and bursts out laughing, the cheif asks him why he started laughing, the man replied, "i just saw my mate and he has a barrow full of coconuts!"
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| Posted by cazma yo on 09-Aug-2005 | Shoot The PigA farmhand is driving round the farm, checking the fences. After a few minutes he radios his boss and says, "Boss, I've got a problem! I hit a pig on the road and he's stuck in the bull-bars of my truck. He's still wriggling ??” what should I do?''
"In the back of your truck there's a shotgun. Shoot the pig in the head and when it stops wriggling you can pull it out and throw it into the bushes."
The farm worker agrees and signs off. About 10 minutes later he radios back.
"Boss I did what you said, I shot the pig and dragged it out and threw it into the bushes."
"So what's the problem now?" his Boss snapped.
"The blue light on his bike is still flashing!"
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| Posted by Nick R. M on 09-Aug-2005 | Sawmill AccidentsTwo guys were working at a sawmill one day when one of the guys got too close to the blade and cut off his arm.
His buddy put the severed arm in a plastic bag and rushed it down to the hospital to get re-attached.
The next day he goes to see his chum, and finds him playing tennis.
"Incredible!," says his friend.
"Medical science is amazing."
Another month goes by and the same two guys are again at the sawmill working when the same guy gets too close to the spinning blade and this time his leg gets cut off.
Again his buddy takes the leg, puts it in a plastic bag and takes it to the hospital to get re-attached.
The next day, he goes down to see his chum and finds him outside playing football.
"Incredible!," says his friend.
"Medical science is amazing!"
Well another month goes by and again the same two friends are at the mill cutting wood when suddenly the same guy bends down too close to the blade and off comes his head.
Well his friend takes the head, puts it in a plastic bag, and heads to the hospital to get it re-attached.
The next day he goes to see his friend but can't find him.
He sees the doctor walking down the hall and says, "Doc, where is my friend? I brought him in yesterday."
The doctor thinks for a minute and says, "Oh yeah, some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated."
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| Posted by Da Joker on 09-Aug-2005 | God Helps Me PeeAn old man and his daughter go to the doctor for his monthly check up. During examination, the doctor asks how his nightly incontinence is.
It's fine," says the old man. "I just get up and go to the bathroom, and God turns on the light for me."
The doctor finishes up the examination, and then calls in the daughter to tell her about the God-light thing.
"Oh, my God!" says the daughter.
"He's been using the fridge again!"
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| Posted by James Craven on 09-Aug-2005 | ThermometersQ: What's the difference between a rectal and oral thermometer?
A: The taste.
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