|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
| Posted by Deliliah L. Cutting on 09-Aug-2005 | Day offSo you want a day off? Let's take a look at what you are asking for!
There are 365 days this year.
There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work.
Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available.
You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break. That accounts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available.
With a one hour lunch period each day, you have used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work.
You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days available for work.
We are off for 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days.
We generously give you 14 days vacation per year which leaves only one day available for work and I'll be damned if you're going to take that day off!
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Monnie on 09-Aug-2005 | Any biggerA lady's picking through the frozen turkeys and says to a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
He says, "No, ma'am, they're dead."
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by ness on 09-Aug-2005 | LettuceA man goes to the doctor and says: "Doctor, there's a piece of lettuce sticking out of my bottom."
The doctor asks him to drop his trousers and examines him.
The man asks, "Is it serious, doctor?"
The doctor replies, "I'm sorry to tell you but this is just the tip of the iceberg.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Rebecca L. O'Quinn on 09-Aug-2005 | Flower showTwo old men are sitting outside the town hall, where a flower show is in progress.
One complains, "Cripes, life is boring. We never have any fun! For $5, I'll streak naked through the flower show!"
"You're on!" the other geriatric says.
The first old man fumbles out of his clothes and streaks through the hall.
Waiting outside, his friend hears a commotion inside, followed by applause.
Then the naked old man bursts through the door, surrounded by a cheering crowd. "How did it go?" asks the friend.
"Great!" says the wrinkled streaker. "I won first prize for dried arrangement!"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Ashley E. Who Cares on 09-Aug-2005 | Depressed penisWhy are penis so depressed?
Because they only have one eye,
No brains in their head,
Two nuts for friends,
and a asshole for a neighbor.
Submitted by Admin
Edited by Curtis
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Katie Waszczak on 09-Aug-2005 | Why men are happierYour last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's "just too icky".
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood, ALL the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five- day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache!! AND FINALLY....
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45 minutes.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Tantilazing
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
