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| Posted by Twiggy Ramirez on 10-Aug-2005 | Dear Abby: My husband is a liar and a cheatDear Abby:
My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from
the beginning. When I confront him, he denies everything.
What's worse is everyone knows he cheats on me. It is so
humiliating!
Also, since he lost his job two years ago, he hasn't even
looked for a new one. All he does is sit around the living
room in his underwear and watch TV while I work to pay the
bills.
And since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even
pretend to like me. He keeps calling me a lesbian.
What should I do?
Signed, Clueless
Dear Clueless:
Dump him. You're a New York Senator now. You don't need him
anymore.
Abby
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| Posted by Educated Olive on 10-Aug-2005 | Radio silenceRadio Silence
Presenter: Hey its XXX-FM, do you want to play the game ?
Brian: Yeah, sure.
Presenter: O.K., Question 1 - When was the last time you had sex?
Brian: Ha Ha, well, about 8 o'clock this morning.
Presenter: And how long did it go for Brian ?
Brian: Hmmmmm .... about 10 minutes.
Presenter: 10 minutes? Good one. And where did you do it?
Brian: Ohhhh , I can't say that.
Presenter: There's a holiday to Bali at stake here Brian !
Brian: O.K. ... O.K. ... On the kitchen table.
Presenter: (and others in the room - much laughter). Good one Brian, now is it
O.K. for us to call your wife ?
Brian: Yeah, alright.
Presenter: Hi Sharelle, how are you ?
Sharelle: Hi. Good thanks.
Presenter: (Explains competition again) We've got Brian on the other line, say
hello.
Sharelle: Hi Brian.
Brian: Hi Sharelle.
Presenter: Now Sharelle, we're going to ask you the same three questions we
asked Brian and if you give the same answers, you win a trip for two to Bali.
Brian: Just tell the truth Honey.
Sharelle: O.K.
Presenter: Sharelle, when was the last time you had sex ?
Sharelle: Oohhhh, noooooo. I can't say that on radio.
Brian: Sharelle, it doesn't matter. I've already told them.
Sharelle: O.K. ... About 8: 00 this morning before Brian went to work.
Presenter: Good, nice start ! Next question. How long did it go for Sharelle
?
Sharelle: (giggling) About 12, maybe 15 minutes.
Co-Presenter: That's close enough ... Brian was just being a gentleman.
Presenter: O.K. Sharelle, final question. Where did you do it ?
Sharelle: Oh no I can't say that. My mum could be listening. No way, no.
Presenter: There's a trip to Bali on the line here.
Brian: Sharelle, I've already told them so it doesn't matter anyway.. just
tell em.
Sharelle: Ohhhh .... alright .... Up the ass !
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| Posted by joeyo on 10-Aug-2005 | A coupleA couple were having financial problems until finally they couldn't stand it
any more. The husband said to his wife that is was necessary for her to make
some money through prostitution to get by.
So the husband drove her to the place where she had to do the job and in the
evening he picked her up again.
"So, how much have you earned today?" the husband asked.
"Well", the woman responded, "I've made one hundred dollars and fifty cents."
"That's strange", the husband responded, "who gave you the fifty cents?"
Said the woman: "All of them, of course!"
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| Posted by Andy on 10-Aug-2005 | Women??™s lib in EgyptAn archeologist returned to Egypt a few years after WWII ended having been
earlier chased out from the digs by the Nazi Invasion.
Through the local grapevine he contacted his old trusted pre-war guide Ahmed
and arranged to meet him at the crossroads to the digs they used to meet at
before the war.
at the specified date the archeologist waited at the crossroads and viewed his
guide approaching him and as they met and warmly embraced, he exclaimed "Ah -
Ahmed it is wonderful to see you again after all these years. But tell me this,
before the war when we met you would be riding the donkey and your wife would
walk in the dust 20 yards behind you. But today we meet an your wife now rides
the donkey and you walk behind her 20 yards in the dust. What is happening, do
we now have Women??™s Liberation in Egypt."
Ahmed sadly shook his head no and replied - "Ah Effendi - we have women??™s lib
here in Egypt - yes - but this is much, much worse LAND MINES."
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| Posted by Raoku on 10-Aug-2005 | Gone deafA drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving violently all over
the road. A cop pulls him over.
"So," says the cop to the driver, "where have you been?"
"I've been to the pub," slurs the drunk.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few.
??? I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, "that a
few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?" "Oh, thank heavens,"
sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
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