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():battle of sexes (734): Deciding on how many kids


Posted by catherine chsksi on 13-Aug-2005

Deciding on how many kids

A newly married couple was visiting friends when the topic of children came up. The bride said she wanted three children, while the young husband said two would be enough for him.

They discussed this discrepancy for a few minutes until the husband thought he'd put an end to things by saying boldly, "After our second child, I'll just have a vasectomy."

Without a moment's hesitation, the bride retorted, "Well, I hope you'll love the third one as if it's your own."


   

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():battle of sexes (734): Men's Chain Letter


Posted by Brandi Bender on 13-Aug-2005

Men's Chain Letter

This chain letter was started in hopes of bringing relief to other tired and discouraged men. Unlike most chain letters, this one does not cost a thing. Just send a copy of this letter to five of your friends who are equally tired and discontented.

Then bundle up your wife or girlfriend and send her to the man whose name appears at the top of the list, and add your name to the bottom of the list. When your turn comes, you will receive 15,625 women. One of them is bound to be better than the one you already have.

At the writing of this letter, a friend of mine had already received 184 women, 4 of whom were worth keeping.

REMEMBER - this chain brings luck.

One day a man forwarded this letter and the next day he received the woman who had been named Hooter of the Year at the restaurant chain. An Alaska man was able to choose between a massage therapist and a nymphomaniac chef.

You can be lucky, too, but don't break the chain!! One man broke the chain and he got his ex-wife back.


   

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():battle of sexes (734): Back from the Dead


Posted by phil jones on 13-Aug-2005

Back from the Dead

Mrs. Baker's husband died, and after the funeral the guys that worked in the cemetery were carrying out the coffin and accidentally bumped into a pole. From inside the coffin they heard a moan, and they lifted the lid to see that miraculously Mr. Baker had come back to life.

Ten years later he died again and when the guys were carrying him out of the church Mrs. Baker yelled," WATCH OUT FOR THAT POLE!"

submitted by- Stevi


   

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():battle of sexes (734): Ode to being a woman


Posted by derek on 13-Aug-2005

Ode to being a woman

Everyday I give thanks to God,
I have two mounds upon my bod.

I shave my legs,
sit down to pee,
I can justify any shopping spree.

Don't go to a barber,
but a beauty salon,
Can get a massage, without a hard-on.

Can balance the checkbook,
can pump my own gas,
Can talk to my friends about the size of my ass.

My beauty's a masterpiece, and yes,
it takes long,
At least I can admit to others when I'm wrong.
I don't drive in circles at any cost,
And I don't have a problem admitting I'm lost.

Don't act like I'm in a timed marathon,
Every time I have to go to the john.
I don't brag about the size of my "cup",
Hey, put the seat down,
'cause I won't leave it up!

I never forget an important date,
You just gotta deal,
I'm usually late.

I don't watch movies with lots of gore,
Don't need instant replay to remember the score.

I won't lose my hair,
I don't get jock itch.

And just cause I'm assertive,
Don't call me a bitch.
I don't wear the same underwear everyday,
The food in my fridge has no sign of decay.

Don't burp, don't belch and I certainly don't fart,
Ballet, not football, is what I consider an art.

Don't say to your friends,
"Oh yeah, I can get her",
In your dreams, my dear, I can do better!

Flowers are okay,
but jewelry's best,
Would you look at my face,
not at my chest!

I don't have a problem expressing my feelings,
I know when you're lying,
you look at the ceiling.

Don't call me a girl,
a babe or a chick,
I am a WOMAN, get it,
you prick?

Let me tell all you men,
Listen to me boys,
Those things in your pants,
That you treat as toys
You love them more then we ever will
We would rather suck on a cold pickled dill.

I know all you men
Think that you're "IT",
But compared to a woman,
You just ain't SHIT!


   

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():battle of sexes (734): Chicken Dinner


Posted by Black Dog on 13-Aug-2005
Chicken Dinner
Farmer and his young bride lived out in the country and the preacher would stop by and of course they would invite him in for chicken dinner.

As this went on and the preacher became so regular he was there practically everyday.

The farmer had to go out in the fields to work, and the preacher would stay with the young bride. Each time he came over the young wife would have the farmer kill a chicken for dinner.

Finally, after a hard day's work the farmer was driving the tractor into the barn when the young bride stepped out onto the porch and hollered at him to get her a chicken so she could cook for the preacher.

The farmer hollered back, "Screw the preacher!"

To which the young bride replied "I already did, but I still need the chicken."


   

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():battle of sexes (734): Bill walks into a bar and finds his friend...


Posted by Steve Mopina on 13-Aug-2005
Bill walks into a bar and finds his friend...
Bill walks into a bar and finds his friend Joe sitting on a stool.

"Joe," Bill said, "I'm glad to see that your wife finally let you out of the house."

"Things have been different with my wife," Joe said. "In fact, just the other day, I decided to show her who was the boss."

"How did you do that?" asked Bill.

"I simply said to her, 'Mabel, we are going to have it out right now, and I am going to show you who the boss is in this relationship'."

"What happened?"

"Well, I don't want to brag, but I managed to get her on her hands and knees."

"How did you do that?"

"I was hiding under the bed at the time."


   

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