|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
| Posted by Jimmy Sampson on 14-Aug-2005 | Deductive ReasoningNeighbor 1: "Hi, there, new neighbor, it sure is a nice day to
be moving"
New Neighbor: "Yes, it is and people around here seem extremely
friendly"
Neighbor 1: "So what is it you do for a living?"
New Neighbor: "I am a professor at the University, I teach
deductive reasoning"
Neighbor 1: "Deductive reasoning, what is that?
"New Neighbor: "Let me give you and example. I see you have a
dog house out back. By that I deduce that you have a dog."
Neighbor 1: "That is right"
New Neighbor: "The fact that you have a dog, Leads me to deduce
that you have a family.
Neighbor 1: "Right again"
New Neighbor: "Since you have a family I deduce that you have a
wife"
Neighbor 1: "Correct"
New Neighbor: "And since you have a wife, I can deduce that you
are heterosexual"
Neighbor 1: "Yup"
New Neighbor: "That is deductive reasoning"
Neighbor 1: "Cool"
Later that same day
Neighbor 1: "Hey, I was talking to that new guy who moved in
next door"
Neighbor 2: "Is he a nice guy?"
Neighbor 1: "Yes, and he has an interesting job"
Neighbor 2: "Oh, yeah what does he do?"
Neighbor 1: "He is a professor of deductive reasoning at the
University"
Neighbor 2: "Deductive reasoning, what is that"
Neighbor 1: "Let me give you an example. Do you have a dog
house?"
Neighbor 2: "No"
Neighbor 1: "You must be gay!"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
():gay jokes (100): A Guy Dies and Finds Himself in Hell |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Matt L. Giardina on 14-Aug-2005 | A Guy Dies and Finds Himself in HellOne day, a guy dies and finds himself in Hell. As he is
wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with a demon:
Demon: Why so glum, chum?
Guy: What do you think? I'm in Hell.
Demon: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down
here. You a drinkin' man?
Guy: Sure, I love to drink.
Demon: Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's
all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, guinness, wine coolers,
diet Tab... we drink till we throw up and then we drink some
more.
Guy: Gee, that sounds great.
Demon: You a smoker?
Guy: You better believe it.
Demon: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest
cigars from around the world and smoke our friggin' lungs out.
If you get cancer, it's okay... you're already dead.
Guy: Golly!
Demon: I bet you like to gamble.
Guy: Yes, as a matter of fact I do.
Demon: Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps,
blackjack, horse races, you name it. We even opened up a pai gow
poker table.
Guy: Gosh, I never played pai gow before...
Demon: Well now you can. You like to do drugs?
Guy: Yes, I love to do drugs. You don't mean...
Demon: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a
great big bowl of crack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine.
You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's
okay... you're already dead.
Guy: Neat! I never realized that hell was such a swingin' place!
Demon: You gay?
Guy: Uh, no.
Demon: Oooh, you're gonna hate Fridays...
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Trish T. Mai on 14-Aug-2005 | Lesbian in a BarA guy walks into a bar and sits down next to a girl and starts
flirting with her. She turns around and says, "You know, I'm a
lesbian." He just nods and keeps flirting. So she turns around
again and says to him, "Do you know what a lesbian is?" He
replies no. She says, "You see that woman there. I want to strip
her down and have open sex with her all over the floor." Upon
hearing that, the man starts sobbing. She asks, "What's wrong?"
And he says, "I think I'm a lesbian too!"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by daniel bud on 14-Aug-2005 | First Datemy friends first date true story he told me
6:00 pm
arrives at girls house
is told she is getting ready
father stares menacingly from across the den
6:10 pm
father blinks
girl comes down half naked to find bra
father covers boys eyes
6:30 pm
girl is finally ready
get in car
wont start
father gives advise
6:45 pm
car starts
girls sleeping cat dies inside car
car smells
7:00 pm
movie sold out
only movie avaliable: Shallow Hal
7:01 pm
leave in disgust
go out to dinner
7:10 pm
arrive at resterant
no reservation
has to slip waiter $100 to get table
7:15 pm
asks to go to bathroom
7:20 pm
goes in stall
glasses fall in toilet
7:25 pm
realizes glasses fell in toilet after taking a dump
must reach in to get glass
7:26 pm
faucet is broken
no towels must use tp
leaves white stuff on lenses and hands
7:45 pm
returns red-faced from all the cleaning
girl stares at him weird
said she ordered for them both
8:45 pm
food arrives
8:46 pm
takes first bite
finds it tasty
8:47 pm
asks what it is
8:48 pm
in the bathroom again
9:00 pm
finally nothing left in his stomach
returns to table
9:01 pm
girl says she didn't know he was alergic to oysters
asks to go dancing
boy can't dance but says yes
9:15 pm
returns to table with swollen feet
asks waiter for the strongest drink in the house
they bring him tap water
tounge is so numb from throwing up he can't tell the difference
9:20 pm
bill arrives
girl suggests going dutch
boy refuses as to not look cheep
only has enough to leave a $.01 tip
says to himself the service wasn't that good anyway
9:25 pm
boy makes mental note to seek medical attention for the black
eye the waiter gave him
9:30 pm
girl suggests going to make-out point
boy happily agrees
9:40 pm
arrives at make-out point
9:41 pm
sees girls parents in the next car
9:42 pm
moves to other side of the point
9:45 pm
heavy making out
9:46 pm
hears a knock on car window
rolls down window
girls father asks for a condom
boy floors it
father still walks with a limp
10:00 pm
arrives back at girls house
boy makes move to kiss girl
dad turns out light
girl yells "thanks dad now we can be really uninhibited"
light comes back on
10:05 pm
attempt at goodnight kiss
boy misses and falls onto girl, face on chest
10:06 pm
boy makes mental note to seek medical attention for stinging
cheek
10:10 pm
gets into car
car won't start
dad comes out with a baseball bat
steps up to side of car
car starts
boy floors it
dad walks with a limp in the other leg too
11:20 pm
arrives at home
boys dad asked how the date went
boy crys
11:21 pm
father wonders if boy is gay
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Katie Cramer on 14-Aug-2005 | The Gay FamilyA man walks into a bar and immediately goes to the counter. He
sais to the bartender, "Gimme a Scotch!" Knowing this man very
well the bartender asks, "Why, you never drink Scotch, what's
the matter?"
The man then replies, "I just found out my brother is gay."
The next day the same man walks into the bar and says, "Gimme
two Scotches." Again the bartender asks, "What's the problem
this time, you don't drink scotch?"
The man replies, "I just found out my other brother is also gay."
The next day the man walks into the bar again and says, "Gimme
the whole damn bottle of Scotch!"
The bartender asks, "Not again! Don't you have anyone in your
family that likes girls?!"
The man then replies, "Yea, my wife."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Sabri Al-Safi on 14-Aug-2005 | Name Your PenisA guy walks into a bar and after only taking 2 steps in, he
realizes that it's a gay bar. He decides to proceed because he
really needs a drink. A gay waiter approaches and asks: "What's
the name of your penis?"
The customers says: "Look, I'm just not into that kind of stuff.
All I want is a cold beer."
The gay waiter says: "I'm sorry but house rules dictate that I
cannot serve you until you tell me the name of your penis."
The customer says to the gay waiter: "All right....I will but
first tell me the name of your penis."
The gay waiter says: "NIKE...you know, 'JUST DO IT!"
The customer thinks for a moment and then says: The name of my
penis is 'SECRET'.
The waiter is puzzled and asks: "SECRET? What does that mean?"
The customer says: You know, SECRET.....STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN
BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!!!"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
