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| Posted by Lori Shake on 09-Aug-2005 | Deep heatA guy walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Listen, I have three girls coming over tonight. I've never had three girls at once, I need something to keep me horny....keep me potent."
The pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer and takes out a small cardboard box marked with a label, "Viagra Extra Strength" and says, "Here, if you eat this, you'll go nuts for twelve hours."
The guy says, "Gimme three boxes."
The next day, the guy walks into the same pharmacy, limps up to the pharmacist and pulls down his pants.
The pharmacist looks in horror as he notices the man's penis is black and blue, and skin is hanging off in some places.
In a paired voice, the man moans out, "Gimme a bottle of Deep Heat."
The pharmacist replies in horror, "You can't put deep heat on that."
The man replies, "No, it's for my arms, the girls didn't show up."
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Lesley A. Salton on 09-Aug-2005 | AffairA fellow is standing in a bar and another guy walks up to him and says, "Are you John Smith?"
The fellow says, "Yes, I'm John Smith."
He says, "Were you in Chicago in early June?"
The fellow takes out a little notebook and rifles through the pages, and says, "Yeah, I was in Chicago in early June."
"Did you stay at the Hyatt?"
John looks through his notebook again and says, "Yes, I stayed at the Hyatt."
"Were you in room 1368?"
John again checks his notebook and says, "Yes, I was in room 1368."
The guy says, "Did you know a Mrs. Wentworth who stayed in room 1369?"
John referred to his book again and says, "Yes, I knew Mrs. Wentworth who stayed in 1369."
The guy says, "Tell me, did you have an affair with Mrs. Wentworth?"
John scans his notebook and says, "Yes, I had an affair with Mrs. Wentworth."
The guy says, "Well, I'm Mr. Wentworth and I don't like it!"
Again John looks in his notebook and says, "You know, you're right. I didn't like it either."
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Brad Smoley on 09-Aug-2005 | Southern hospitalityNate and Martin, two army buddies, are on leave and decide to go to Nate's house and get drunk.
Low and behold they run out of beer, so Nate says that he will go for more.
As he is leaving he tells his wife Barbara to show Martin her best southern hospitality, which she agrees to do.
Nate comes back with the beer and finds Martin and Barbara screwing right on the kitchen floor.
Nate yells, "What are you doing Barbara?"
She replies, "You told me to show Martin my best southern hospitality."
Nate replies "For cripe sake woman, arch your back, poor Martin's balls are on the cold floor."
Submitted by blueindiansquaw
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Target on 09-Aug-2005 | DifferenceWhat is the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew the lightbulb!
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Becca Dawson on 09-Aug-2005 | The switchFarmer Brown and his wife were working in the field one day about dusk.
As they were heading back to the house they saw a bunch of strange lights way out in the field.
Upon ariving Farmer Brown and his wife saw a spaceship landing. They were approached by two aliens.
The aliens said they were researching human sex life and wanted to know if they could partner switch.
After talking it over Farmer Brown and his wife agreed. The next morning the aliens left.
Farmer Brown was dying to ask his wife what happened. Finally he couldn't stand it anymore and broke down and asked her, "Well what happened?"
She replied, "It was the best sex I ever had!"
"Why?" asked Farmer Brown.
"Well when he took off his pants it wasn't but an inch long and as big around as my pinky, but then he reached up and turned his left ear and it grew as to 16 inches, then he turned his right ear and it got as big around as a sausage."
Farmer Brown said, "Well shit, no wonder that bitch was trying to rip my ears off!!"
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Julie Cooper on 09-Aug-2005 | Toe curlingA couple were indulged in sexual intercourse and the man noticed that with each movement of his penis, his partner's toes would rise.
Later that night, while going at it pretty hot and heavy in the shower, her toes remained still.
Confused, he asked, "Why is it that when we do it in bed, your toes go up, but when we do it in the shower, they don't?"
"Silly," she replied, "I take my pantyhose off in the shower!"
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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