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| Posted by Mike Postal on 09-Aug-2005 | DelayA women, not known for her patience, would complain often about the long delay she always endured at her doctor's office.
One day, when her name was finally called, she was asked to step on the scale. "I need to get your weight today," said the nurse.
Without a moment's hesitation, the women replied, "One hour and 45 minutes."
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman
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| Posted by christopher winnen on 09-Aug-2005 | 3 types of menWhat are the three types of men?
The handsome, the caring, and the majority.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Tantilazing
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| Posted by Nikki L. Heller on 09-Aug-2005 | Black BoxNaomi Campbell, Claudia Schiffer, and Cindy Crawford are flying to a super models conference in Paris.
When the captain of the plane announces, "We have just lost power to the engines and are going to make an emergency crash landing, assume the brace position immediately!"
Immediately the three models start preparing for the worst.
Claudia pulls out lipstick and make-up and starts fixing her face.
Bewildered, Naomi and Cindy asks, "What in the hell are you doing fixing your make-up when we are about to friggin' crash!"
Claudia responds, "I know for a fact the rescue workers will search for, and save first, the ones who have the best looking faces. Which is why I am putting on my make-up."
Cindy Crawford rips open her blouse to expose two beautiful mounds of flesh which inexplicably defy the law of gravity.
Totally confused, Naomi and Claudia shout, "Cindy, have you lost your senses? Why are you baring your breasts for everyone to see when we are about to die!"
Cindy responds, "I have it on good authority in plane crashes, the rescue workers look to save first the women with big beautiful breasts. Which is why I am exposing my tits!"
Not hesitating, Naomi Campbell pulls down her skirt and panties to expose her love triangle.
Freaking out, Claudia and Cindy yell, "Naomi, are you crazy?? Why are you exposing your crotch for everyone to see?"
Calmly, Naomi responds, "Bitches please! I know for a fact the first thing the rescue workers look for in plane crashes is a black box!"
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Dave Krill on 09-Aug-2005 | You've got guts!On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him.
He asks the stewardess for a coffee whereupon the parrot squawks, "And get me a coke, you cow!"
The stewardess, flustered, brings back a coke for the parrot and forgets the coffee.
When this omission is pointed out to her, the parrot drains its glass and bawls "And get me another coke dogface!"
Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another coke but still no coffee. Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach. "I've asked you twice for a coffee!
Go and get it now you old goat!"
The next moment both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards.
Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says, "For someone who can't fly, you've got guts!"
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Spud Head on 09-Aug-2005 | New Survivor SeriesSix married men will be dropped on an island with 1 car and 4 kids each, for 6 weeks.
Each kid plays two sports and either takes music or dance classes.
There is no access to fast food.
Each man must take care of his 4 kids, keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, etc.
The men only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.
There is only one TV between them and there is NO REMOTE.
The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, which they must apply themselves, either while driving or while making four lunches.
They must attend weekly PTA meetings; clean up after their sick children at 3:00 a.m.; make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a tortilla and one marker; and get a 4-year-old to eat a serving of peas.
The kids vote them off the island, based on performance. The last man wins ........only if,??¦he has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice.
If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over again for the next 18-25 years ...eventually earning the right to be called Mother.
Submitted by BreeBrown
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Anna Flack on 09-Aug-2005 | FatalUncle Max was 89 years old and he wanted to marry a 24 year old girl.
I told him, "You can't marry a 24 year old girl."
He said, "Why not?"
I said, "If you marry a 24 year old girl, you'll have to have sex with her and that could be fatal!"
He thought about it a moment, shrugged his shoulders and said, "Well if she dies, she dies!"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
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