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| Posted by cathy b on 09-Aug-2005 | Dentist chairThis woman goes into a dentist's office, after he is through examining her he says: "I am sorry to tell you this, but I am going to have to drill a tooth."
The woman then says with anticipated agony, "Ooooohhhh, I'd rather have a baby!"
To which the dentist replies: "Well make up your mind. I have to adjust the chair."
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| Posted by Susannah E. Charlotte on 09-Aug-2005 | Back of the busA lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus and took a set at the back.
She noticed the man opposite her looking at here smiling but not taking his eyes off of her.
So she moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.
The man seemed even more amused.
When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested thinking that he was disturbed.
The case came up in court.
The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.
The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this, When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition...
She sat under a sweets sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are coming!" and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, "Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling", and I had to smile.
Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself.
BUT, your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident"... I just lost it."
__________________
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| Posted by Lola Green on 09-Aug-2005 | StrandedThere are three premiership teams stranded in a desert - Manchester United, Liverpool and Arsenal.
They have been there for one week when they finally come across a dead camel.
The Man United players say 'As we're
Manchester United, we'll have the chest.'
The Liverpool players say 'As we're LIVERpool, we'll have the liver.'
'We're not hungry,' say the Arsenal players.
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| Posted by Lisa M. Hayden on 09-Aug-2005 | Princess & a frogOnce upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an
unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.
The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said, "Elegant lady, I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch cast a spell upon me."
"One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young Prince that I am, and then my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in yon castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my
clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so."
That night, on a meal of lightly sauteed frogs legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought, "I don't fu#ken think so!"
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| Posted by Mandy O. on 09-Aug-2005 | New maidMrs. Schmidlap hires a maid with beautiful blonde hair. The first morning she comments how lovely it looks.
The new maid pulls off the hair and says, "I wear a wig, because I was born totally hairless. Not a hair on my body, not even down there."
That night, Mrs. Schmidlap tells her husband. He says, "I've never seen anything like that. Please tomorrow, ask her to go into the bedroom and show you. I want to hide in the closet so I can have a look."
The next day, Mrs. Schmidlap asks the girl, the two of them go into the bedroom, and the girl strips and shows her. Then the girl says, "I've never seen one with hair on it. Can I see yours?"
So Mrs. Schmidlap pulls off her clothes and shows her. That night, Mrs. Schmidlap says to her husband, "I hope you're satisfied, because I was pretty embarrassed when that girl asked to see mine."
Her husband says, "You think you were embarrassed...I had the four guys I play poker with in the closet with me."
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| Posted by Ryan Cook on 09-Aug-2005 | Magic goblinsOne morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden.
"You're a goblin," she says, "I caught you and you owe me three wishes!".
So the goblin replies "OK, you caught me fair and square, what's your first wish?".
The woman stops and thinks for a second, "I want a huge mansion to live in.", the goblins replies "OK, you've got it."
The woman thinks... "My second wish is a Mercedes."
"OK, you've got that too."
"My last wish is a million dollars!".
The goblin then says "OK, you've got it. But to make your wishes come true you have to have sex all night with me."
"OK then, if that's what it takes..."
Next morning the little man wakes the woman up.
"Tell me," says the man, "how old are you?"
"I'm 27", she replies.
"Fuck me", says the man, "27 and you still believe in magic goblins!"
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