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| Posted by Crazy Chick on 10-Aug-2005 | Dentist officeThe Lambert's were shown into the dentist's office, where Mr. Lambert made it
clear he was in a big hurry. "No fancy stuff, Doctor," he ordered. "No gas or
needles or any of that stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with."
"I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you," said the dentist
admiringly. "Now, which tooth is it?"
Mr. Lambert turned to his wife Jenny: "Show him your tooth, Honey."
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| Posted by dj smith on 10-Aug-2005 | Speeding driver is pulled over by a policeman:Man: Is there a problem Officer?
Officer: Sir, you were speeding.
Man: Oh I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Man: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Man: Lost it 4 times for drink driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Man: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Man: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Man: Yes, and I killed and raped the owner.
Officer: You what?
Man: She's in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for
back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly
approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer2: Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please! The man steps out of
his vehicle.
Man: Is there a problem sir?
Officer2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and
murdered the owner.
Man: Murdered the owner?
Officer2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car please.
The man opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer2: Is this your car sir?
Man: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer2: One of my officer??™s claims that you do not have a driving license.
The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The
officer opens the wallet and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer2: Thank you sir, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license,
stole this car, raped, and murdered the owner.
Man: Bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too!
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| Posted by Kaitlyn Cheesebro on 10-Aug-2005 | BathroomLittle Bob and his friend John went to the movies and, before the show, headed
to the bathroom to relieve themselves. Bob relieved himself then
washed his hands, much to his surprise John did just the opposite.
??? Hey," said Bob, "smart boys wash their hands after they pee."
Holding his head back proudly, young John corrected, "Smart boys learn not to
pee on their hands."
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():battle of sexes (734): What's the difference between government bonds... |
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| Posted by Tra t. Hn on 07-Aug-2005 | What's the difference between government bonds...What's the difference between government bonds and men?
Bonds mature.
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| Posted by HOLY SH**!!! on 07-Aug-2005 | What's the difference between a new husband...What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog.
- After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
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():battle of sexes (734): There was a lady who went to the tattoo parlor... |
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