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| Posted by Nathan Burns on 09-Aug-2005 | Dentist VisitA man goes to his dentist for a regular check-up. After the dentist has had a short look at the man's mouth he says, "So...been licking your wife recently?"
The poor man looks up in horror and replies, "Uhhh ...Yeah ...uhhh ...why? ...Do I have pubes between my teeth?"
Whereupon the dentist replies, "Nope ...you've got shit in your nostrils!"
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| Posted by Sam on 09-Aug-2005 | Flavored Ice CreamGuy's walking down the street when he sees a sign in front of a store that says, "Any flavored Ice Cream - $1". Guy goes into the store, slaps down a buck and says, "I want pussy-flavored ice cream."
Clerk nods, goes in the back of the store and comes back with an ice cream cone. "Here's your pussy-flavored ice cream, sir!"
Guy takes the cone and walks out of the store. A few seconds later, he comes storming back into the store all pissed off. "Hey! I thought you said this is pussy-flavored ice cream!"
Clerk says, "It is pussy-flavored ice cream, sir."
Guy says, "So why does it taste like shit?"
Clerk says, "Because, sir, you're taking too big of a lick."
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| Posted by David Stouffer on 09-Aug-2005 | Blind Lumber ManA blind man went to a lumber yard for a job.
The boss didn't want to just tell him no, so he told him that if he could pass a test, he'd hire him.
He had one of his employees take him out back to identify some lumber. He brought the man to a pile of pine paneling, the man walked around the pile and sniffed, correctly identifying it as pine paneling.
The employee thought, "How did he do that?"
Next he took him to a pile of 2x4's. These he also correctly identified after sniffing around a bit. Now they were all amazed.
They decided it was time to trick him. They brought out the receptionist and laid her buck naked on her back.
The blind man walked around and sniffed.Obviously puzzled he walked around and sniffed and walked around and sniffed some more.
Scratching his head, he told them to flip it over. They did so and the sniffing continued. Suddenly he started laughing and said "You think you've got me, don't you? Well I know what that is.
That's the shit house door off of a tuna boat!
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| Posted by Vanessa Hernandez on 09-Aug-2005 | Cards That U Won't CHallmark Cards That Never Made It
I'm Sorry!
My tire was thumping,
I thought it was flat.
When I looked at the tire,
I noticed your cat!
Get Well Soon
You had your bladder removed,
and you're on the mend.
Here's a bouquet of flowers
And a box of Depends.
Bad Hangover
You totaled your car
And can't remember why.
Could it have been
that case of Bud Dry?
Cheer Up
Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be,
But don't fret about it,
She moved in with me!
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| Posted by Eric M. Cardin on 09-Aug-2005 | Flower Mix UpI sent flowers to someone who was moving to Florida for a job promotion. I also sent flowers the same day to a funeral for a friend.
I found out later that the flower shop got the cards mixed up. They sent the card to the guy who was moving that said, "Deepest Condolences," and sent the card to the funeral home that said, "I know it's hot where you're going, but you deserve it!
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| Posted by Robin A.J. on 09-Aug-2005 | Wounded IraqiWhat do you do if an Iraqi with half a head comes running at you?
Stop laughing and reload!
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