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| Posted by Ashley E. Who Cares on 09-Aug-2005 | Depressed penisWhy are penis so depressed?
Because they only have one eye,
No brains in their head,
Two nuts for friends,
and a asshole for a neighbor.
Submitted by Admin
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Katie Waszczak on 09-Aug-2005 | Why men are happierYour last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's "just too icky".
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood, ALL the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five- day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache!! AND FINALLY....
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45 minutes.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Tantilazing
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| Posted by Mike G. Strusz on 09-Aug-2005 | UglyA woman was checking out at the grocery store with a quart of milk, a head of lettuce, and a tomato.
A drunk was in line behind her, staring at her and her purchases and said, "You must be single!".
Amazed, the woman looks over her items trying to figure out how the guy could tell by what she bought, and said, "Yes, I am, but how could you possibly tell?"
The drunk replied, "Because you're ugly as hell!"
Submitted by Admin
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Carrie Sparton on 09-Aug-2005 | Bad gasA old lady went to the Doctor and said "I have a problem, can you help me out ?
The Dr. asked "What is the problem with you ?"
The old lady said "I have gas real bad I have passed gas at least 10 times out in the waiting room, but it has no smell or sound what could be the problem ?
The Dr. gave her something and sent her home.
The next day she came back and said "It didn't help, and now smells really bad now.
The Dr said "Ok, we fixed your sinus problem, now let's work on your hearing."
Submitted by Admin
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Cody G. Jackson on 09-Aug-2005 | Old menThese two old gentlemen were sitting and talking.Joe says to Slim, "You know I am 75 yrs old, and I just ache & hurt all over I can't understand why,tell me, you are the same age as I, how about you, don't you have the same problem?"
Slim says, "Heck no, I feel great, just like a new born baby. no hair, no teeth, & I think I just wet my pants."
Submitted by Admin
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by mecool30 on 09-Aug-2005 | Ball scratchingA man in his mid 40s goes to a building site and asks the foreman if he has any job openings.
"Actually, I am a man short," replies the foreman. "Do you have experience?"
"I've worked in construction all my life," the man says, "but I had an accident a few years ago and haven't worked since. To make a long story short, I was working with a large industrial saw when it slipped and, well, it castrated me."
"Ooh," the foreman says, wincing. "That's awful, but you have plenty of experience, so come down tomorrow morning at 10 and I'll get you started."
"Great," replies the man. "But don't I usually see you guys here at nine?"
"Yeah," the foreman says, "but for the first hour we just stand around scratching our balls."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
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