|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
| Posted by wraith on 14-Aug-2005 | Devils FunA guy goes to hell and is met by the devil, who explains that the
punishments are changed every thousand years and he is to select his first
punishment.
The first room has a young guy on the wall being whipped. The new guy not
keen on this asks to see the next room. The next room has a middle aged
guy being tortured with fire.
The new guy immediately asks to see the third room. It has an really old
guy chained to the wall getting a blow job from a gorgeous blonde.
The guy jumps at the chance and takes the room.
The devil walks into the room taps the blonde on the shoulder and says
"okay, you can stop now. You've been relieved".
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Bluestar on 14-Aug-2005 | Keep Daddy ThinOne night, a young boy heard noises from his parent's bedroom.
It was hard for him, but he went back to sleep. The next night
he heard the same noises, but once again fell back asleep.
Finally, on the third day that he was woken up by his parents,
he decides to see what the heck they are doing.
So he walks up to his parents room, and sees his mother on top
of his father. She is moving up and down on top of him, and they
both are making grunting noises. He has no idea what is going
on, and decides to go back to bed.
The next morning the boy tells his mother about how they woke
him up, and what he saw when he went to see what they were
doing. Finally, he asks what was going on. His mother decides he
is too young to learn about sex, so she tells him that since his
father is getting old and fat, she has to jump on top on him to
keep him thin.
"But mommy," the boy exclaims, "That won't work, cause everyday
when you go to work, the next door neighboor comes over and
blows him back up!"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Xerxes on 14-Aug-2005 | The African KingThe beautiful secretary of the president of a bank goes on a
sightseeing tour with a very rich African king who was a very
important client.
The client out of the blue asks her to marry him. Naturally, the
secretary is quite taken aback. However, she remembers what her
boss told her...don't reject the guy outright. So, she tries to
think of a way to dissuade the king from wanting to marry her.
After a few minutes, the woman says to the man, "I will only
marry you under three conditions. First, I want my engagement
ring to be a 75-carat diamond ring with a matching 200-carat
diamond tiara."
The African king pauses for a while. Then, he nods his head and
says, "No problem! I have. I have."
Realizing her first condition was too easy the woman says to the
man, "I want you to build me a 100-room mansion in New York. As
a vacation home, I want a chateau built in the middle of the
best wine country in France."
The African king pauses for a while. He whips out his cellular
phone and calls some brokers in New York and in France. He looks
at the woman, nods his head and says, "Okay, okay. I build. I
build."
Realizing that she only has one last condition, the secretary
knows that she'd better make this a good one. She takes her time
to think and finally she gets an idea, a sure-to-work condition.
She squints her eyes, looks at the man and says, rather coldly,
"Since I like sex, I want the man I marry to have a 14-inch
penis." The man seems a bit disturbed. He cups his face with his
hands and rests his elbows on the table, all the while muttering
in African dialect.
Finally, after what seemed like forever, the king shakes his
head, looking really sad, and says to the woman, "Okay, okay. I
cut. I cut."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by danny on 14-Aug-2005 | Doing The DishesSteve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for
a great price, but its missing a seal, so whenever it rains he
has to smear Vaseline over the spot where the seal should be.
Anyway, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her
parents. He drives his new bike to her house, where she is
outside waiting for him. "No matter what happens at dinner
tonight, don't say a word," She tells him," Our family had a
fight a while ago about doing dishes. We haven't done any since,
but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them."
Steve sits down for dinner and it is just how she described it.
Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen, and nobody is
saying a word. So Steve decides to have a little fun. He grabs
his girlfriend throws her on the table and drills her in front
of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is
obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down,
but no one says a word.
A few minutes later he grabs her mom throws her on the table and
does a repeat performance. Now his girlfriend is furious, her
dad is boiling, and her mother a little happier. But still there
is complete silence at the table.
All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts
to rain. Steve remembers his motorcycle. He jumps up and grabs
his jar of Vaseline. Upon witnessing this, his girlfriend's
father backs away from the table and screams, "OKAY, ENOUGH
ALREADY. I'LL DO THE FUCKING DISHES!!"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Katie Waszczak on 14-Aug-2005 | Gravy LadleJohn invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his
mother couldn't help noticing how attractive and shapely the
housekeeper was. Over the course of the evening, she started to
wonder if there was more between John and the housekeeper than
met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I
know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, my
relationship with my housekeeper is purely professional."
About a week later, the housekeeper came to John and said, "Ever
since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the
beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do
you?" John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter
just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote:
"Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from
my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle.
But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you
were here for dinner."
Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which
said "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with your
housekeeper, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with
your housekeeper. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping
in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.
Love, Mom"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by tazy on 14-Aug-2005 | Blow FrogA woman went into a pet shop to buy her husband a pet. After
looking around she realized that all the pets there were very
expensive. She went to the counter and questioned the clerk.
"I wanted to buy my husband a pet, but all of yours are so
expensive", she said.
"Well," said the clerk, "I have a huge bullfrog in the back for
$50.00. Would you like to see it?"
"$50.00?? For a Frog??" asked the woman.
The clerk said, "It's a special frog. It gives blow jobs."
Well, the woman did not particularly enjoy giving head, so, she
thought this was a heck of a deal. She'd get her husband a gift
he'd surely enjoy, and she'd never have to do that again. The
woman decided to buy the frog.
She took it home to her husband and explained the strange gift.
Of course, the husband was a bit skeptical, but said for sure
he'd try it out that night. The woman went to bed that night
relieved knowing she'd never have to give another blow job.
About two in the morning, she woke up to hear pots and pans
banging around in the kitchen. She got up to go see what was
going on. When she got to the kitchen she saw her husband and
the frog, sitting at the kitchen table like best buddies,
looking through cookbooks.
"What are you two doing looking through cookbooks at this hour?"
asked the woman.
The guy looks up at her and says, "Well, if I can teach this
frog to cook, your ass is outta here."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
