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| Posted by Stalker on 14-Aug-2005 | Devil's Punishment There were these three guys. Two were white, and one was
black. They comitted a horrible crime and went to Hell. When
they got there they were praying for there life, even though
they were dead. The first white guy said to the devil "Please
let me go back to Earth, you can do any thing as long as I can
go back!" So the devil says "Pull down your pants" so the guy
does. The devil sticks his hand in fire and burns the guys dick
off. The guys is gone.
The second white guy says "Please let me go back to Earth you
can do whatever you want to me just let me go back" The devil
says "Pull your pants down" So the guys does and the devil
sticks his hand in fire and burns the mans dick off. And poof
he is gone. The black guy says "Please let me go back to Earth
you can do wahtever you want to me just let me go back!" So the
devil says "pull your pants down" so the guy does. The devil
sticks his hand in fire and wraps his hand around the guys dick.
Nothing happens. He tries again. Nothing happens. The devil
says "Whats wrong with you !!!??"
And the black guy says "Milk chocolate melts in your mouth not
in your hand".
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| Posted by Alex Dobie on 14-Aug-2005 | Male toilet problemsAfter being married 28 years my wife has me trained. I'm no
longer allowed to pee like a man - standing up. I am required to
sit down and pee. She has convinced me that this is a small
price to pay. Otherwise if she had gone to the toilet one more
time at night and either sat on a pee soaked toilet seat, or
fell right into the &*%# toilet because I forgot to put the seat
down, she was going to kill me in my sleep. Most mornings us
guys wake up with two things. A tremendous desire to pee, and a
penis so hard you could cut diamonds with it. Well, no matter
how hard you try, you can't get that thing to bend, and if it
don't bend you can't aim, well hell, if you can't aim you have
no choice but to piss all over the wallpaper and that damn fuzzy
toilet seat cover you women insist on putting on the toilet. And
by the way, when you ladies use those damn fuzzy toilet seat
covers, the friggin' toilet seat won't stay up by itself. So
that means we have to use one hand to hold up the toilet seat
and the other hand to try to control ourselves for that perfect
aim. Now sometimes, when you're newly married, (and I know the
guys in here will back me up on this) you think you can get the
toilet seat with that damn fuzzy thing to stay up. You jam it
back and compress that fuzzy thing until the seat stays there.
OK, so you start to pee, but then do all the rest of the time."
OK. I tried sitting down on the toilet with "morning wood". Well
it's is very hard to get it bent under the toilet seat, and
before I could manage it, I had pissed all over the bath towels
hanging on the wall across the room. Now, even if you are
sitting down and you can get it forced down under the toilet
seat, when you start to pee the pee shoots out from the crack
between the bottom of the toilet seat and the top of the bowl.
You piss all over the back of your knees and it runs down the
back of our legs on to that damn matching fuzzy horseshoe rug
you keep putting on the floor in front of the toilet. I have
found the only effective maneuver to deal with this morning
urinary dilemma is to assume the flying superman position lying
over the toilet seat. This takes a great deal of practice,
perfect balance, and split time precision but it's the only sure
way to get all the pee in the bowl during the first morning pee.
So you ladies have to understand that us men are not totally to
blame. We are sensitive to your concerns about hygiene and
bathroom cleanliness, but there are times when things just get
beyond our control. It's not our fault, it's just Mother Nature.
Now, if it was Father Nature,... there wouldn't have been a
problem!!!
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| Posted by Mr. Crapspew on 14-Aug-2005 | blondeswhat reindeer laughed at rudolf?
olive.........(say this out loud) ALL OF the other raindeer,
used to laugh and call him names..........
one day, a blonde brunett and redhead all were in a elevator.
they all noticed something white on the floor. well the redhead
put her head down and said, "i have no idea what it is." then
the redhead put her head down, and said, "i think its cum."
After that remark, the blonde put her head down, tasted it, and
said, " well its no one in this building!"
a blonde, brunett and redhead were all about to get killed. The
redhead was called up, and the killer asked if she had any final
words. she said no, and the killer was about to shoot her, when
she said TORNADO! so the man looked around panicly, and gave the
redhead enough time to run away. then the brunett was called up,
and the killer asked if she had any final words and she said no.
So he said, "ready, set -" but the brunett interuped him by
saying earthquake!! so the killer got down under a table, giving
the girl enough time to run away. Finally the blonde was called
over. the killer asked if she had any final words, but she said
no. So the killer said, " Ready, Set -" and the blonde shouted
FIRE!!!
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| Posted by Jim Smith on 14-Aug-2005 | A CoRnY JoKeok there were these 3 guys walking along in the desert, the dry,
sandy, deserted desert after their plane crashed. So their
walking along delirious from hunger when they spot a lil shak in
the distance, & they were all like OMG there will be food
there!!! so they run up to this house and knok on the door:
"BANG BANG BANG!!"
and this lil old lady answers the door, giving them the once over
1st guy goes HI, were lost, we're starving, please do you have
any food"
the lil old lady sais" well yes, ill get you food, but one of
you willl have to come in with me 1st" , so she chooses the 1st
and
cutest guy (natutally)and tells him to follow her, where she
leads him to her bedroom, where she then starts explaining about
the lack of
men in the deset, all the time the guys thinking OMG the horny
bugger what is she thinking? To answer his thoughts she pulls
off her cloths and goes " give it to me give it to me".The poor
guy looks at her ugly wrinkled body and shudders, but if thats
not bad enough her pussy is all pussy yellow and gross so he
sais no (naturally) but she goes fine, no sex no food. The guy
driven by hunger goes "oh,... ok" just as he spots some
vegetables comeing out of the cuppord, so he sais one minute so
he can get ready. While 'getting ready' he grabs some corn out
of the cuppord and is just about to eat it then jump out of the
window when he thinks of his friends, then he decides, well this
lil old lady's eye sight cant be too good, ill just screw her
using they corn. like heck i aint touchen her. So he calls out
to her
"ready!"
and he starts screwin her with this corn next to the cupporn,
and when one cob gets soggy he throws it out the window and just
continous with another peice untill finaly she sais that shes
"had enough"and as promised she puts her clothes back on "thank
goodness" adn prepares a huge meal, a huge tasty meal and takes
it out side to his friends . but to the guys surprise his
friends say
"no its ok, where not hungry"
"why not??!!" the 1st guy sais thinking he didnt go through that
disturbing experience for nothing...... then his freind replies
"it's cool, were really full from that creamed corn you through
out the window to us"
And that boys and girls is one corny joke
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| Posted by Solo on 14-Aug-2005 | Sex SignalsOn their wedding night, a couple sit down and discuss the ground
rules for their marriage.
Wife- When i get home from work i will signal to you with my
hair to tell you if i want sex. If my hair is fully done up that
means i do not want sex. If my hair is partly done up that means
i may or may not want sex. If hair is completely let down that
means i want wild untamed sex. Got it?
Husband- Yes darling, these are my sex signals. If i get home
from work and have one can of beer that means i do not want sex.
If i have two cans of beer i may or may not want sex. If i have
three cans, your hair doesn't matter.
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| Posted by Brad Smoley on 14-Aug-2005 | AirplaneOne day a man and a women were sitting beside each other on an
airplane. Now this man kept sneezzing over and over again. But
everytime he would sneeze he would groan or grunt like it was
pleasuring him. The women sitting beside him said, "You poor
man! What's wrong with you?" The man told the women, that
everytime he sneezed he would have an orgasium. The women felt
so sorry for him, so she asked him what he was taking for it?
The man said, "Black pepper."
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