Diamonds are a

A young woman was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana.

Q. How do you scare a man?

A. Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.

The Smarter Sex?

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man.
That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's
nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from
God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the
rest of our days."

Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!"

"This must be a sign from God!" the woman continued, "and look at this,
here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished, but this bottle
of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate
our good fortune."

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in
agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it
back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."

Listening Passively

There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the
amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.

After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, "Well, what
about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?"

The third fellow says, "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me
on her hands and knees."

The first two guys were amazed. "Wow! What happened then?" they asked.

The third man took a healthy swallow of his beer, sighed and uttered, "She
said, "'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man."

AGE DRINK...

      AGE        DRINK


      17         beer

      25         beer

      35         vodka

      48         double vodka

      66         Maalox


  

                    SEDUCTION LINE


      17         My parents are away for the weekend.

      25         My girlfriend is away for the weekend.

      35         My fiancee is away for the weekend.

      48         My wife is away for the weekend.

      66         My second wife is dead.


  

                    FAVORITE SPORT


      17         sex

      25         sex

      35         sex

      48         sex

      66         napping


    

                DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE


      17         "tongue"

      25         "breakfast"

      35         "She didn't set back my therapy."

      48         "I didn't have to meet her kids."

      66         "Got home alive."


   

                FAVORITE FANTASY


      17         getting to third

      25         airplane sex

      35         menage a trois

      48         taking the company public

      66         Swiss maid/Nazi love slave


     

               HOUSE PET


      17         roaches

      25         stoned-out college roommate

      35         Irish setter

      48         children from his first marriage

      66         Barbi


    

                WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?


      17         25

      25         35

      35         48

      48         66

      66         17


 

                    IDEAL DATE


      17         Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in

      25         "Split the check before we go back to my place"

      35         "Just come over."

      48         "Just come over and cook."

      66         sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas.