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| Posted by HELIC on 10-Aug-2005 | DICK HURTSYOU HAVENT PARTIED UNTIL YOU WAKE UP ONE MORNING IN THE CLOSED, AND YOU??™RE
FACE STINKS AND YOUR DICK HURTS.
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| Posted by Jesi Lucjak on 10-Aug-2005 | A traveling salesmanA traveling salesman was driving down a farm road when his car suddenly
stopped and wouldn't start again. A farmer on a tractor was passing by and
stopped to help the salesman fix his car. By the time they were finished, it was
almost sundown, so the farmer told the salesman he could spend the night at his
home if he didn't mind sharing the bed with his twin daughters. The salesman
thought the twins were kids, so he said it was okay. They farmer took the
salesman to his home and went into the house.
After a few minutes of talking and cleaning up, the men were called to the
dinner table by the farmer's wife. As they sat down, the salesman saw the two
most beautiful young ladies he had ever seen. The farmer introduced them as his
twin daughters. During the entire meal all the salesman thought about was he was
sleeping in the same bed as the girls and he was going to have a good time that
night. They all finished their supper and the men went and talked while the
women finished cleaning up. The salesman couldn't keep his mind off what was to
be a good time. Finally it was time to go to bed and the salesman anxiously got
prepared. The twins got into the bed, one on each side of the salesman. Just as
the lights were going to be turned off, the farmer came into the bedroom and
placed one egg on both sides of the salesman. The farmer said, "This is to make
sure you don't do anything with my daughters tonight!! If I come in tomorrow
morning and find one or both eggs broken, I'll know you did something and I'll
shoot you!! You understand? Well, the salesman looked at the eggs, the farmer,
and the shotgun in the farmer's hand and quietly replied that he understood.
With that, the farmer told them goodnight and turned off the light.
During the night, the salesman turned over and accidentally broke one of the
eggs. "What the hell," he thought, "I'm dead anyway," and screwed the first
twin. After several minutes of bliss, he rolled off of her and broke the other
egg. "Might as well go out smiling," he thought and had his way with the second
twin. When he was finished, he noticed that it was almost sunup and the farmer
was starting to stir. Thinking quickly, he looked into his sales bag and got out
a tube of superglue and glued the eggs back together. The glue dried quickly and
the salesman jumped back into the bed and had just put both eggs back when the
farmer entered.
"I see the eggs are alright, so I guess I won't shoot you. Want some
breakfast?"
"What are you making?" the salesman asked.
Holding up the eggs, he said, "Eggs."
"No thanks, I'll eat later, I got to get going!!!" the salesman quickly said
and grabbed his clothes and left.
The farmer went to the stove and broke the first egg over the skillet, but
nothing came out. He then broke the second egg and again, nothing came out.
Extremely pissed off, the farmer walked out to the hen house and shouted,
"Alright...which one of you roosters is wearing a rubber???"
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| Posted by Rachel sutton on 10-Aug-2005 | Why parents divorceOne day a little boy asked his mom why she got divorced.
She said "I'll tell you when you get older.
That day when the kid went to school he asked his teacher why his mom and dad
got divorced. She said, "Why don't you check your mommy's driver's license. So
that night the boy looked at his mom's license and in the morning he told his
mom "I know why you and daddy got divorced, you got an F
in sex."
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():sex jokes (1888): Little Johnny goes to church |
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| Posted by Erhan Eryurt on 10-Aug-2005 | Little Johnny goes to churchMonday morning little Johnny came to school with a black eye.
His friends ask him what happened. He tells them, "I was in church yesterday,
when a big fat lady sat in front of me.
When we got up to sing, I noticed she had huge wedgies. I couldn??™t stand it
anymore, so I pulled it out, and she decked me".
The following Monday, little Johnny came to school with 2 black eyes. His
friends once again asked what happened. He told them,"I was in church yesterday,
when the same fat lady came and sat in front of me. When we got up to sing, she
once again had the huge
wedgies. The guy next to me pulled it out, but I knew she didn??™t like it out,
so I pushed it back in..."
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| Posted by J W on 10-Aug-2005 | Redneck CondomsA redneck goes to a pharmacist and says: "I got a hot date tonight, an' I need
me some perfection. How much is a pack a' deem rubbers going to cost me?"
The pharmacist responds: "A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax."
To which the redneck replies: "TACKS! Gad a' mighty, don't they stay on by
themselves."
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| Posted by Lance J. Gerner on 10-Aug-2005 | DonatingA man and a woman were waiting in line at the hospital donation center.
Man: "What are you doing here today?"
Woman: "Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're going to give me $5 for
it."
Man: "Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay
me $25."
The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before
going their separate ways. Several months later, the same man and woman meet
again in the same line.
Man: "Hi there! Here to donate blood again?"
Woman: (nodding her head with mouth closed) "Unh unh."
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