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| Posted by Zachary Sponey on 09-Aug-2005 | Did I say...An 80-year-old man goes to a doctor for a check-up. The doctor tells him, "You're in terrific shape. There's nothing wrong with you. Why, you might live forever. By the way, how old was your father when he died?"
The 80-year-old responded, "Did I say he was dead?"
The doctor couldn't believe it! So he said, "Well, how old was your grandfather when he died?
The 80-year-old responded again, "Did I say he was dead?"
The doctor was astonished. He said, "You mean to tell me you are 80 years old and both your father and your grandfather are both alive?"
"Not only that," said the patient, "my grandfather is 126 years old, and next week he is getting married for the first time."
The doctor said, "After 126 years of being a bachelor why on earth did your grandfather want to get married?"
His patient looked up at the doctor and said, "Did I say he wanted to?"
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Glaci
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| Posted by kelly a. waever on 09-Aug-2005 | CuriousWhat happened?" asked the hospital visitor of the heavily bandaged man sitting up in bed.
"Well, I went down to Margate this weekend and decided to take a ride on the roller coaster. As we came up to the top of the highest loop, I noticed a little sign by the side of the track.
"I tried to read it but it was very small and I couldn't make it out. I was so curious that I decided to go 'round again, but we went by so quickly that I couldn't see what the sign said.
"By now, I was determined to read that sign so I went 'round a third time. As we reached the top, I stood up in the car to get a better view."
"And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?" asked the visitor.
"Yes."
"What did it say?"
"Don't stand up in the car!"
Submitted by Tantilazing
Edited by Yisman
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| Posted by Darrick R. Adams on 09-Aug-2005 | Lost itA drunk is staggering down the street with his car keys in his hand, and his member hanging out when he sees a cop.
He says, "Officer, Officer somebody stole my car," gesturing with his keys.
The officer says, "Where did you have it?"
The drunk says, "On the end of this key."
The policeman notices that the drunk's member is hanging out and tells him, "Sir, are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"
The drunk looks down and sees his tool protruding from his pants zipper and says, "Shee-it! They got my girlfriend too."
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Stoney R. Sims on 09-Aug-2005 | Somebody comingA guy moves into an apartment complex.
He's putting his name on his mailbox when he hears a door open in the hall.
He glances towards the door and sees a gorgeous woman dressed only in a bathrobe come out.
He tries not to look at her as she gets her mail, but she engages him in conversation.
As they talk she turns to look down the hall and her robe opens slightly and he notices she is wearing only the robe.
They talk a little more, and she says, "Shhh, I think I hear somebody coming. Could we continue this conversation in my apartment?" He agrees to this.
As they talk in her apartment, she moves and her robe falls to the floor and he gets a good eyeful.
She then says, "Now that you've had a good look, what do you think is the best part of my body?"
He says, "Your ears."
She is downright speechless but finally replies, "My ears? Look at these breasts, look at this butt, look at my pussy. How can you say my ears?"
He replied, "Remember in the hall when you said you heard somebody coming?
That was me!"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
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| Posted by Cait Cummings on 09-Aug-2005 | Chinese sayings"Man who run behind car get exhausted. Man who run in front of car get tired."
"Passionate kiss is like spider web, soon lead to undoing of fly."
"Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give girlfriend upright organ."
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Warlock Z on 09-Aug-2005 | Essex girlAt a divorce hearing, the wife's barrister asked the Essex girl whom he was cross examining:
"So, Sharon. On the night of November 23rd last year, at approximately 01:30am, in the place known as 'Lover's Lane' did the defendant, my client's husband, have sexual intercourse with you?"
"Yeah, he did," whispered the Essex girl, her head bowed.
"And on that occasion, did the defendant, to the best of your knowledge, have a climax?" the barrister went on.
"Oh no," she answered. "I fink 'e 'ad one of them fancy Mitsubishis."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
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