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| Posted by Bill Scoby on 14-Aug-2005 | Dirty Deaf JokeTwo deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage,
they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom
when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other
using sign language.
After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings,
the wife decides to find a solution.
'Honey,' she signs, 'Why don't we agree on some simple signals?
For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach
over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to
have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time.'
The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his
wife, 'Great idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach
over and pull on my penis one time.'
'If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my
penis..........fifty times'
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| Posted by gilbert on 14-Aug-2005 | Mr.Penis Asks for a RaiseMr. Penis hereby requests a raise for the following reasons:
1. Does a hard manual labor.
2. Works in great depths.
3. Works head down.
4. Works in a dark unventilated workplace.
5. Works in conditions of extreme humidity.
6. Works without receiving any legal vacations or Sunday's off.
7. Works in atoxic environment.
8. Works without time off and without extra pay for overtime.
9. Works in high temperature.
10. Exposed to personal diseases in his work place.
The Administration's response:
Inspite of the reasons mentioned by Mr. Penis, the management rejects all
of employee Dick Penis's requests for the following reasons:
1. Doesn't work 8 hours in a row.
2. Falls asleep in his workplace after a short period of work.
3. Doesn't always meet the workplace requirments.
4. Is not layal to his workplace.
5. Lacks any education.
6. Retires to pension earlier than normal.
7. Doesn't work on his own, but needs to be pushed from behind.
8. Doesn't leave his workplace clean and neat when done working.
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| Posted by ~SwEeT*HeArT~ on 14-Aug-2005 | Control...There are two lines for men waiting to enter the pearly gates of
Heaven. One line is marked for men who have been controlled by
their wives. The line is huge and extends for miles and miles.
The second line is marked for men who have controlled their
wives. In that line is standing one meek-looking man. St. Peter
walks up to the man and says, "Excuse me, are you supposed to be
in this line?" And the little old man responds, "I think so. My
wife told me to stand here."
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| Posted by HymenBreaker on 14-Aug-2005 | Things Guys Should Know About GirlsThings guys should know about girls:
1. Don't ever lie to us; we always find out.
2. We don't enjoy talking dirty to you as much as you enjoy
listening.
3. Don't say you understand when you don't.
4. Girls are pretty, but yours is the Prettiest!
5. You don't have PMS; don't act like you know what it's like.
6. Saying something sweet might get you off the hook; doing
something sweet will always get you off the hook.
7. If you talk about having a big Dick; we know you don't.
8. Size does matter, but only to hoes; not girls that want
relationships.
9. We don't like it when you act like Mr. Big.
10. A system in your car only impresses your homeboys not us.
11. No matter what you say, your ex-girlfriend is a hoe.
12. It's good to be sensitive, sometimes.
13. If you did something wrong or even if you didn't, apologize.
14. Be spontaneous; dinner and a movie won't always cut it.
15. We are self-conscious by nature; we can't help it.
16. We are DrAmA queens.
17. Fashion police do exist.
18. Don't ask us to give head; if you are nice you just might
get it.
19. We absolutely DO NOT care about monster trucks, car systems,
paintball, or anything else you and your friends talk about.
20. Hugs and kisses must be given at all times.
21. We don't shave our legs everyday so get over it.
22. Don't make bets about us; we always find out.
23. Shave; no matter how cool you think your goatee or beard or
mustache looks, we hate it.
24. Even if you think it is cool to burp, fart, or emitt other
strange gases from your body, it is not.
25. Don't compare our breasts with Pamela Anderson's; hers are
fake, just remember that. (You have a better shot at ours
than you ever will with hers)
26. It is not cool to shoot snot rockets.
27. We are beautiful at all times.
28. We will always think we are fat, so humor us and tell us we
aren't.
29. You can shoot hoops, score a goal, knock down big fat guys,
and hit a little baseball with a stick, so why the hell can't
you piss in the toilet and not on it.
30. Most importantly: we are always right; so don't forget it.
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| Posted by Chris S. Porter on 14-Aug-2005 | Men vs. DogsWhat do men and dogs have in common?
3: You have to take care of them.
2: They don't come home when you call them.
1: They both try to fuck every bitch they see.
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| Posted by Audrey K. Veneck on 14-Aug-2005 | Things a Perfect Woman Would Say1. I'll swallow it all . . . I love the taste.
2. Are you sure you've had enough to drink?
3. I'm bored. Let's shave my pussy!
4. Oh come on, what do ya say we get a good porno movie, a case of beer, a
few joints, and have my friend Tammy over for a threesome!
5. God..if I don't get to blow you soon, I swear I'm gonna bust!
6. I know it's a lot tighter back there but would you please try again?
7. You're so sexy when you're hungover.
8. I'd rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping.
9. Let's subscribe to Hustler.
10. Would you like to watch me go down on my girlfriend?
11. Say, let's go down to the mall so you can check out women's asses.
12. I'll be out painting the house.
13. I love it when you play golf on Sunday's, I just wish you had time to
play on Saturday too.
14. Honey..our new neighbor's daughter is sunbathing again, come see!
15. I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.
16. No, No, I'll take the car to have the oil changed.
17. Your mother did a great job raising you.
18. Do me a favor, forget the stupid Valentine's day thing and buy
yourself new clubs.
19. I understand fully...our anniversary comes every year for Christ's
sake. You go hunting with the guys, it's a wonderful stress reliever.
20.Shouldn't you be down at the bar with your buddies?
21. Christ, not the fucking mall again, come on let's go to that new strip
joint!
22. Listen, I make enough money for the both of us, why don't you retire
and get that nagging handicap down to 7 or 8.
23. You need your sleep ya big silly, now stop getting up for the night
feedings.
24. That was a great fart! Do another one!
25. I signed up for yoga so that I can get my ankles behind my head for
ya...
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