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| Posted by DancingGal on 10-Aug-2005 | Dirty mindMr. Hamilton, the biology instructor at a posh suburban girl's junior college,
said during class, "Miss Smyth, would you please name the organ of the human
body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal
size, and define the conditions???.
Miss Smyth gasped, then said freezing, "Mr. Hamilton, I don't think that is a
proper question to ask me. I assure you my parents will hear of this." With that
she sat down red-faced.
Unperturbed, Mr. Hamilton called on Miss Johnston and asked the same question.
Miss Johnston, with composure, replied, "The pupil of the eye, in dim light???.
"Correct," said Mr. Hamilton.
??? And now, Miss Smyth, I have three things to say to you. One, you have not
studied your lesson. Two, you have a dirty mind. And three, you will some day be
faced with a dreadful disappointment."
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| Posted by MamasGirL Angel on 10-Aug-2005 | Saintly sonsTwo mothers were talking about their sons. The first said, "My son is such a
saint. He works hard, doesn't smoke, and he hasn't so much as looked at a woman
in over two years."
The other woman said, "Well, my son is a saint himself. Not only hasn't he not
looked at a woman in over three years, but he hasn't touched a drop of liquor in
all that time."
"My word," the first mother said. "You must be so proud."
I am," the second mother replied. "And when he's paroled next month, I'm going
to throw him a big party."
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| Posted by NINER on 10-Aug-2005 | How to use an ATMMALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Wind down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash, and receipt.
6. Wind up window.
7. Drive off.
FEMALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse back the required amount to align car window to machine.
3. Re-start stalled engine.
4. Wind down the window.
5. Find handbag, remove all contents onto passenger seat to locate card..
6. Locate make-up bag and check make-up in rear view mirror.
7. Attempt to insert card into machine.
8. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive
distance from car.
9. Insert card.
10. Re-insert card the right way up.
11. Re-enter handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back
page.
12. Enter PIN.
13. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
14. Enter amount of cash required.
15. Re-check make-up in rear view mirror.
16. Retrieve cash and receipt.
17. Empty handbag again to locate purse and put cash inside.
18. Place receipt in back of cherub book.
19. Re-check make-up again.
20. Drive forward two meters.
21. Reverse back to cash machine.
22. Retrieve card.
23. Re-empty handbag, locate cardholder and place card into the slot
provided.
24. Re-check make-up.
25. Re-start stalled engine and move off.
26. Drive for 3 - 4 miles.
27. Release hand brake.
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| Posted by Elizabeth on 10-Aug-2005 | Top 10 - things only women understand10. Cats' facial expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoe in different colors.
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your last time.
5. The difference between beige, off-white, and eggshell.
4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow.
3. Romantic stuff like mushy cards and flowers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
And the number one thing only women understand:
1. Other women!!!
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| Posted by The Joker on 10-Aug-2005 | Excited manOne day, a kid's mom and dad took him to a nude beach. The kid went to play in
the water and came back a little while later and told his mom "I just saw a
woman who had bigger things than you do mom???. His mom replied, "The bigger the
woman's boobs the dumber the woman???.
So, the boy went out to play again, and came back a little while later and
said to his mom "Mom, I just saw a man who has a bigger thing than Dad???. His mom
replied "The bigger the thing, the dumber the guy."
So the kid went out to play again, then came back and told his mom "Daddy was
talking to a woman, and he kept getting dumber and dumber???.
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| Posted by Kane F. Clayton on 10-Aug-2005 | A****** treatmentQ: What does a woman do with her a****** before having sex?
a: She drops him off at the golf course.
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