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| Posted by calum irvine on 09-Aug-2005 | Dirty poem contestA guy and a girl are having sex when they both say, "I'm really hungry and thirsty too.
It was freakin' freezing in the house so they both have an argument over who should go get the food and drink.
After a while they decide to have a contest. Whoever can come up with the best poem would be the one to stay in bed.
They both think for a while when the guy says, "Okay, I got one. Two times two is four plus five is nine, I can pee in yours but you can't pee in mine."
So she thinks for a minute and says, "Okay two times two is four plus five is nine, I know the length of yours but you'll never know the depth of mine."
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| Posted by Paddy O. Furniture on 09-Aug-2005 | Suck it, pluck it...In this age of safe sex the need for condoms are a must but some people still have a difficult time buying them.
Take my friend, Joe. Our local store carries condoms behind the counter and you need to ask the salesperson to get them.
So Joe went up to the salesperson but he was so nervous he could only ask where the straws were.
So he bought the straws and left only to have to come back to buy his condoms.
Again Joe came into the store and was still so nervous he could only ask where the tweezers were, so he bought them and left.
Joe once again had to go back and buy his condoms. So he went up to the salesperson and said, in a low tone, "I need some condoms."
The salesperson rang up the sale and said, "First you come in to buy straws, then to buy tweezers, and now to buy condoms..."
"...What I want to know is are you going to suck it, pluck it, or fuck it?"
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| Posted by Chloe N. S on 09-Aug-2005 | Rocker sexAn elderly Mr. Steinberg and the widow Joyce Cohen were sitting in the lobby of a retirement home.
Mr. Steinberg, a widower himself, says to Joyce, "For five dollars, I'll have sex with you on that rocking chair over there.
For ten dollars, I'll have sex with you on that couch.
But for twenty dollars, I'll take you to my room, light a few candles and give you a romantic evening of passion you'll never forget."
Joyce considers this for a moment and then, after digging through her purse, produces a twenty dollar bill.
Mr. Steinberg says, "So, you want the romantic night in my room, eh?"
Joyce says, "No, I want four times in the rocker."
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| Posted by Yolanda Holsten on 09-Aug-2005 | That hungry!!!I was just visiting some friends who have a real working farm.
I was watching this one rooster chasing after this hen, when the friend's wife came out to feed them.
The rooster stopped chasing the hen at once and ran over to begin eating.
I stood there thinking to myself, "Damn ! I hope I never get that hungry."
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| Posted by Harry Nipples on 09-Aug-2005 | Slip throughA man was sitting at a bar, morosely staring at his untouched beer. The bartender walked over with a sigh, and asked "What's the problem, pal?"
"My brother just told me that there's a sperm bank in his neighborhood that pays $40 for a donation."
"Yeah, so?"
"Don't you realize?" the man cried. "I've let a fortune slip through my fingers!"
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| Posted by Amanda S. Lonick on 09-Aug-2005 | $20 hookerAfter spending a night at a hotel with a prostitute, the politician took $300 out of his wallet and placed it on the dressing table.
"Thanks," she said. "But I only charge $20."
"Twenty bucks for the entire night?" the amazed MP replied. "You can't make a living on that."
"Oh, don't worry," the whore replied. "I do a little blackmail on the side!"
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