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Dirty Vacuum Riddle

Q: why are guys like vacuum cleaners?

A: you turn them on, you plug them in, and they suck stuff out of your carpet.

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	():sex jokes (1888): North Dakotan and Birth Control

Posted by Tyler on 13-Aug-2005

North Dakotan and Birth Control

This snow plow driver from North Dakota got married.

He and his new bride prepared for their wedding night. He watched for a while as she spread three different kinds of creams and then a white foam in preparation for their lovemaking. She finally announced she was ready. The man then asked if she still had that string of pearls necklace he admired so much.

She replied she did indeed have it, but wondered what in the world he needed it for at a time like this.

He looked again at all her "preparations" and replied, "Ain't no way I'm gonna try to go into a mess like that without chains."

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	():sex jokes (1888): Never been with a woman...

Posted by flameb0y on 13-Aug-2005

Never been with a woman...

An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man if he has never been with a woman. After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a personal ad. She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entire life in the Australian outback.

They end up getting married. On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom to prepare for the festivities. When she returns to the bedroom, she finds her new husband standing in the middle of the room, naked and all the furniture from the room piled in one corner.

"What happened?" she asks.

"I've never been with a woman," he says, "but if it's anything like a kangaroo, I'm gonna need all the room I can get."

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	():sex jokes (1888): The Chinese Detective

Posted by Jason Cox on 13-Aug-2005

The Chinese Detective

A man suspected his wife of seeing another man. So, he hired a famous Chinese detective, Ram Pam Sim Wimm, to watch and report any activities that might develop. A few days later, he received this report:

Most honorable sir:
You leave house.
He come house.
I watch..
He and she leave house.
I follow.
He and she get on train.
I follow.
He and she go in hotel.
I climb tree-look in window.
He kiss she.
She kiss he.
He strip she.
She strip he.
He play with she.
She play with he.
I play with me.
Fall out of tree, not see.

NO FEE

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	():sex jokes (1888): Celebrating his first

Posted by Sarah on 13-Aug-2005

Celebrating his first

A young man walked up and sat down at the bar.

"What can I get you?" the bartender inquired.

"I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responded the young man.

"6 shots!! Are you celebrating something?"

"Yeah, my first blowjob," the man answered.

"Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house.

"No offense, sir. But if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will."

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	():sex jokes (1888): Pickle Slicer

Posted by tweets on 13-Aug-2005

Pickle Slicer

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years, when he came home one day and confessed to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.

His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen.

His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.

"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?"

"Oh, Bill, you didn't."

"Yes, I did."

"My God, Bill, what happened?"

"I got fired."

"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"

"Oh, she got fired too."

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