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| Posted by Erica Campbell on 09-Aug-2005 | DisappearanceA woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police.
The officer in charge looked at the photograph she handed him, questioned her, and then asked if she wished to give her husband any message if they found him.
"Yes," she replied readily.
"Tell him Mother didn't come after all."
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| Posted by psycho_zodiac on 09-Aug-2005 | Torrid AffairA married man and his secretary were having a torrid affair.
One afternoon they couldn't contain their passion, so they rushed over to her place where they spent the afternoon making passionate love.
When they were finished they fell asleep and didn't wake up till 8 o'clock.
They got dressed quickly. Then the man told his secretary to take his shoes outside and rub them on the lawn.
Bewildered, she does as he asks (thinking he's pretty weird).
The man finally gets home and his wife meets him at the door.
Upset, she asks where he's been.
The man replies "I cannot tell a lie. My secretary and I are having an affair.
Today we left work early, went to her place, spent the afternoon making love then fell asleep.
That's why I'm late."
The wife looks at him, takes notice of his shoes and says, "I see those grass stains on your shoes. You've been playing golf again, haven't you!"
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| Posted by Sarah M. Jacobs on 09-Aug-2005 | Which One To Marry?There once was a man who had three girlfriends, and he couldn??™t decide which one to marry.
He decided to give five thousand dollars to each woman to see what she would do with it.
The first woman bought new clothes for herself. She got an expensive new hairdo, a massage, a facial, a manicure, and a pedicure.
She said, I spent the money so that I would look pretty for you because I love you so much.
The second woman bought a VCR, a CD player, a set of golf clubs, and a tennis racket and gave them to the man.
I used the money to buy you these gifts because I love you, she told him.
The third woman invested the money in the stock market and within a short time had doubled her investment.
She returned the initial five thousand dollars to the man and reinvested the profit.
Im investing in our future because I love you so much, she said.
The man carefully considered how each woman had spent the money, and married the woman with the biggest tits.
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| Posted by Susannah E. Charlotte on 09-Aug-2005 | Quick HusbandThe scene - Husband and wife in bed.
The story - Husband rolls over to wife and taps her in the shoulder.
Wife says "Not tonight sweetheart I have a gynecologist appointment in the morning".
Five minutes elapses - Husband rolls over again and taps wife on the shoulder and says "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"
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| Posted by Peter Gundermann on 09-Aug-2005 | Vision or a SightWhat's the difference between a vision and a sight?
When my wife gets dressed up for a party she looks like a vision and when she wakes up in the morning she's a sight.
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| Posted by Robster on 09-Aug-2005 | Your Gonna Die!An old man who is hard of hearing goes to the doctor with his wife.
After a physical, the doctor says "you seem to be healthy, Earl, but for a long life, I suggest you have 3 good meals a day, and sex with your wife every day."
The old man replied, "What did the doctor say, Ethel?"
Ethel replied, "your gonna DIE, old man!"
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