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| Posted by Maxie de la Mancha on 14-Aug-2005 | Disappearing WifeA man left work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead
of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with
the boys and ended up spending his entire paycheck.
When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was
confronted by his very angry wife and was barraged for nearly
two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.
Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him,
"How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three
days?"
To which he replied, "That would be fine with me."
Monday went by and didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday
came and went with the same results.
Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough to where he
could see her out of the corner of his left eye.
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| Posted by Abby J. Parker on 14-Aug-2005 | That's once...A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic
tranquillity had long been the talk of the town. A local newspaper
reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.
"Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," explained the man. "We visited the
Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom on the canyon by pack
mule. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's mule stumbled. My wife quietly
said, 'That's once.' We proceeded a little further and the mule stumbled
again. Once more my wife quietly said, 'That twice.' We hadn't gone a
half- mile when the mule stumbled the third time. My wife quietly removed
a revolver from her pocket and shot the mule dead. I started to protest
over her treatment of the mule when she looked at me and quietly said
'That's once.'"
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| Posted by Kitty K. Kaos on 14-Aug-2005 | House WorkOne day, a wife and her husband were spending the day at home.
Her husband was watching football on TV when she said, "Honey,
the refrigerator is broken. Will you fix it?" Her husband
replied, "What do I look like, a damn repairman?" The next day
the wife's car had a flat tire. She asked her husband, "Dear,
my car has a flat tire, can u repair it?" With that her husband
asked, "What do I look like, a mechanic?" Later that evening,
the wife said, "Honey, the porch light isn't working, can you
please fix it?" After that her husband got really angry. "What
do i look like a damn electrician? Why do you keep asking me to
do stuff? Geez! I'm going for a drive!" Her husband left that
evening and didn't come back until the next day. He realized he
had overreacted and should have helped out. When he came home
he saw that the porch light was fixed, the refrigerator worked,
and the car's tire was replaced. He saw his wife sitting down
at the kitchen table and said, "Awww, honey, you called a
repairman after I left? You are so sweet." The wife replied,
"Well, no. After you left I sat on the porch steps and started
crying. A handsome young man came by the house and saw me. He
asked why I was crying and I said all these things were broken
and no one would fix them. Then he said that he would fix them
for me if I would either bake him a cake or fuck him." Her
husband asked, "Oh, well what kind of cake did you for him bake
him, honey?" To that the wife looked at her husband and asked,
"What do I look like to you, Betty Crocker?"
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| Posted by Kristy M. King on 14-Aug-2005 | Sex tipsTwo guys are in a bar discussing their sex lives. One guy says
to the other, "How's your sex life buddy?"
The other guy says, "Not too good. Every time me and my wife
have sex, she loses interest half-way through. It's very
frustrating."
The first guy says, "Yeah, I know what you mean. I used to have
the same problem, but I found a cure. I hid a starter pistol
under the bed. When she started to run out of steam, I simply
fired the starter pistol. It gave her such a fright that she got
all excited, and couldn't get enough. I wish I'd done it years
ago."
The other guy says, "OK, I think I'll try that."
The next day they are back in the bar again. The first guy says,
"How did you get on with the starter pistol?"
The other guy says, "Don't talk to me about starter pistols!
Last night we were having a little 69. As usual, she lost
interest half way through, so I fired the starter pistol, just
like you said."
The first guy says, "So what happened?"
The other guy says, "She bit my cock, shit in my face, and a man
came out of the closet with his hands up!"
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| Posted by Curtis Hogan on 14-Aug-2005 | Vasalene market researchAn salesman of Vasalene cream was doing a bit of market research
on his product, going house to house and asking people what they
thought of the product. Towards the end of the day he knocked
on the door of his last house and a woman in her early thirties
answered.
The salesman introduced himself and asked if he could ask the
woman a few question about his product, which she agreed to.
The first thig he asked her was "how effective do you find our
product"
"Very" she answered "It alway does the job required of it"
"Do you ming if I ask what it is you normally use the cream for"
enquired the salesman.
"Certainly, I use it for sex" answered the woman.
Well the salesman was a little taken back by this "That's a very
candid answer miss, I mean, we know our product is used like
this, but no one ever admits to it. Would it be too personal to
ask how it is used?"
"Not at all" said the woman "when me and my husband are feeling
frisky in the bedroom, we put some of your cream on the door
handle, to keep the kids out!"
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| Posted by Noppong Suwanvet on 14-Aug-2005 | GrillA couple had been married 15 years. One afternoon they were
working in the garden together. As the wife was bending over
pulling weeds, the husband said, "Hey, Honey, you are getting
fat. Your butt is getting huge! I bet it is as big as the gas
grill now."
The husband feeling he needed to prove his point, got a yard
stick, measured the grill and then measured his wife's butt.
"Yep." he said, "Just what I thought, just about the same size."
The wife got very upset and decided to let him do the gardening
alone. She went inside and didn't speak to her husband for the
rest of the day.
That evening when they went to bed, the husband cuddled up to
his wife, and said, "How about it honey? How about a little
lovemaking?" The wife rolled over and turned her back to him,
giving him the cold shoulder. "What's the matter?" he asked. To
which she replied, "You don't think I am going to fire up this
big ass grill for one little weenie, do you?"
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