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| Posted by MindYerBeak on 09-Aug-2005 | Discarded CondomA rich New Yorker married a southern gal and brought her to the big city for the first time. When they first arrived he got them a hotel room. As they were laying in bed she looked over in the corner and saw a discarded condom.
"Oh yuck!!" she proclaimed, as she pointed it out to her new husband.
As he craned his neck to see what it was, he looked at her and asked, "What they don't use those things where you come from?"
"Yeah," she said "but we don't skin 'em!"
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| Posted by pokemon on 09-Aug-2005 | Wedding Night MisundA Polish guy has never had sex, and he gets into bed on his wedding night. His wife gets naked, sits on the bed, and says, "Do you know what I want?"
He says, "No."
She gets in bed, spreads her legs wide, and says, "Now do you know what I want?"
He says, "Yeah...you want the whole friggin' bed to yourself!"
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| Posted by missa whowantstoknow on 09-Aug-2005 | I NEED It!I know I haven't known you for a very long time, and I shouldn't be asking you for this so soon, but I need it badly.
I haven't had it for a very long time. I can already feel it going in good and hard and coming out nice and soft. If you would do this for me no one would ever know.
I am sure you can satisfy my needs, and I'd be very grateful if you would. I am very desperate and I need your help.
You must think by now I have a lot of nerve, but I can feel my tongue wrapping around it and sucking out all the juice until its very dry.
It has been on my mind all day and I'm not going to beat around the bush anymore. So.....
Can i have a piece of chewing gum?
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| Posted by Orphan Annie on 09-Aug-2005 | Lord of the ManorThe Lord of the manor returned from his grouse hunt quite a bit earlier than expected. He entered the master bedroom to change, and found her Ladyship making passionate love to Sir Archibald Carpley.
The irate Lord stood stiffly and loudly berated his wife for her infidelity. With thunder in his voice, he reminded her that he had taken her from a miserable existence on a local run-down farm, given her a fine home, provided her with servants, expensive clothes and jewels, and almost anything she desired.
By this time the woman was crying inconsolably, his Lordship then turned his wrath on his supposed friend: "And as for you Reggie -- you might at least stop while I'm talking !"
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| Posted by duffmanitt on 09-Aug-2005 | Like a Bull!A man and his wife were on a train passing through farm country. As the train slowed down they saw a bull mounting one cow after another. The wife turned to her husband and remonstrated.
"Why aren't you men capable of doing things that way?"
"My dear," he answered, "we can if you let us change cows each time!"
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| Posted by Erik D on 09-Aug-2005 | Supermodel Next DoorThe middle-aged married couple finally moved into the condo of their dreams, but right next door to a very sexy fashion model. The husband had taken to borrowing this or that from their neighbour and it seemed to the wife that it always took him way too long to return.
One time the wife had had enough and actually pounded on the wall between the two apartments. There being no response she telephoned, only to get the answering machine. Finally she went to the model's door and just kept ringing the bell.
When the model answered, the wife fumed, "I would like to know why it is my husband takes so damn long to get something over here."
"Well sweetie," the model purred, "all these interruptions sure ain't helping none either."
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