|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
| Posted by Serena Dempsey on 11-Aug-2005 | Dissuasion!The beautiful secretary of the president of the Chase Manhattan Bank goes to a sight-seeing tour with a very rich Taiwanese client. The client out of the blue asks her to marry him.
Naturally, the secretary is quite taken aback. However, she remembers what her boss told her; "Don't reject the guy outright." So, she tries to think of a way to dissuade the businessman from wanting to marry her.
So, after a few minutes, the woman says to the man, "I will only marry you under three conditions. First, I want my engagement ring to be a 75 carat diamond ring, with a matching 200 carat diamond tiara."
The Taiwanese man pauses for awhile. Then, he nods his head and says, "No problem!! I buy. I buy."
Realizing that her first condition was too easy, the woman says to the man, "I want you to build me a 100 room mansion in New York. As a vacation home, I want a chateau built in the middle of the best wine county in France."
The man pauses for awhile. He whips out his cellular phone, calls some brokers in New York, then he calls some brokers in France. He looks at the woman, nods his head and says, "Okay, okay. I build, I build."
Realizing that she has one last condition, the secretary knows that she'd better make this a good one. She takes her time to think and finally, she gets an idea. A sure-to-work condition. She squints her eyes, looks at the man and says, rather coldly, "Since I like sex, I want the man I marry to have a 12-inch penis."
The man seems a bit disturbed. He cups his face with his hands and rests his elbows on the table. All the while, he's muttering something in Chinese. Finally, after what seemed like forever, the man shakes his head, looking real sad, says to the woman, "Okay, okay. I cut. I cut!"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
| Posted by corey on 11-Aug-2005 | Love, Lust, or Marriage?How do you know if you're in love, in lust, or really married?
LOVE - When your eyes meet across a crowded room.
LUST - When your tongues meet across a crowded room.
MARRIAGE - When you lose your child in crowded room.
LOVE - When intercourse is called "making love."
LUST - When intercourse is called "screwing."
MARRIAGE - What the hell are you talking about?
LOVE - When you argue over how many children to have.
LUST - When you argue over who gets the wet spot.
MARRIAGE - When you argue over money.
LOVE - When you share everything you own.
LUST - When you steal everything they own.
MARRIAGE - When the bank owns everything.
LOVE - When it doesn't matter if you don't climax.
LUST - When the relationship is over if you don't climax.
MARRIAGE - What's a climax?
LOVE - When you phone each other just to say, "Hi."
LUST - When you phone each other to pick a hotel room.
MARRIAGE - When you phone each other to bitch.
LOVE - When you write poems about your partner.
LUST - When all you write is your phone number.
MARRIAGE - When all you write is checks.
LOVE - When you show concern for your partner's feelings.
LUST - When you couldn't give a shit.
MARRIAGE - When your only concern is what's on TV.
LOVE - When your farewell is "I love you, darling..."
LUST - When your farewell is "So, same time next week..."
MARRIAGE - When your farewell is a relief.
LOVE - When you are proud to be seen in public with your partner.
LUST - When you only see each other naked.
MARRIAGE - When you never see each other awake.
LOVE - When your heart flutters everytime you see them.
LUST - When your groin twitches everytime you see them.
MARRIAGE - When your wallet empties everytime you see them.
LOVE - When nobody else matters.
LUST - When nobody else knows.
MARRIAGE - When everybody else matters and you don't care who knows.
LOVE - When all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel.
LUST - When the song on the radio determines how you do it.
MARRIAGE - When you listen to talk radio.
LOVE - When breaking up is something you try not to think about.
LUST - When staying together is something you try not to think about.
MARRIAGE - When just getting through today is your only thought.
LOVE - When you're only interested in doing things with your partner.
LUST - When you're only interested in doing things TO your partner.
MARRIAGE - When you're only interested in your golf score.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by laken thompson on 11-Aug-2005 | Desire MaturesWhen I was in jr. high, all I wanted was a girl with large breasts.
In high school, I dated a girl with large breasts, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate girl.
In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency, she cried all the time. So I decided I needed a girl with some stability.
I found a very stable girl, but she was boring. She never got excited about anything. So I decided I needed a girl with some excitement.
I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She was directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some ambition.
After college, I found an ambitious girl and married her. She was so ambitious, she divorced me and took everything I owned.
Now all I want is a girl with large breasts!
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Debby Harwood on 11-Aug-2005 | Bad Date Signs!Not only is she a little young, but you're sure that you used to date
her mother.
...You find out her real name is Vinnie, and you used to play little
league with her.
...She has a thicker moustache than you.
...When you go to pick her up, her lawyer meets you at the door with a contract describing your duties and restrictions.
...You jokingly ask her if she wants to go down to Atlantic City and get married. She then informs you that leaving the state is a violation of her parole.
...Her bra and panties are wired to an alarm system.
...You are the first guy that she's gone out with that isn't her cousin.
...At the end of the night she gives you a coupon that is good for a free shot of penicillin at the nearest clinic.
...She beats up some guy for making fun of your hair cut.
...You wake up the next morning with a wicked hang-over. In the bed next to you is Janet Reno.
...At the end of the night, you drop her off at her house, and her pimp is waiting there with your bill.
...She keeps staring at you all through dinner, then finally asks if you want to meet satan.
...She constantly complains that her cat won't stop laughing at her.
...She informs you that you can't go out again because her spirit guide doesn't like you.
...She informs you that you can't go out again because her boyfriend doesn't like you.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Angie_Babes on 11-Aug-2005 | Great Pick Up Lines!I wish I was one of your tears, so I could be born in your eye, run down your cheek, and die on your lips.
Did you know they changed the alphabet? They put U and I together.
Can I borrow that quarter, 'cause my mom told me to call home when I fell in love
What's wrong? You're looking a little sad and gloomy. What you need is some vitamin me.
Are your legs tired? 'cause you been running through my mind ALL day long.
Are you lost? 'cause it's so strange to see an angel so far from heaven.
Is your father a thief? 'cause he stole the sparkle from the stars, and put it in your eyes. (yo, watch out though, and be prepared with a snappy answer just in case she says 'yes')
Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I have to walk by you again?
What's that in your eye? Oh...it's a sparkle.
If I said you were an angel, would you treat me like the devil tonight?
Can I see that label? I just wanted to know if you were made in heaven.
Do you like raisins? How about a date?
So... How am I doin'?
I miss my teddy bear...Would you sleep with me?
You look great and all, but do you know what'd really look good on you? Me.
Could I get some directions? ("To where?") To your heart.
Is it hot in here, or is it just you?
If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
Look at you, with all those curves, and me with no brakes.
Can I flirt with you?
Hi, my name's _____, but you can call me "lover".
(another quarter line). Could I borrow a quarter? 'cause I just want to call your mother and thank her.
(lick your finger and then touch her shirt). Here, let me help you out of those wet clothes.
What do you like for breakfast?
Say, did we go to different schools together?
Hi, my name is _____, how do you like me so far?
(At the copy machine) Reproducing, eh? Can I help?
Woman asks, "Excuse me, do you have the time?" You : "Do you have the
energy?"
You look like the type of girl that's heard every line in the book. So what's one more?
Hi, I make more money than you can spend.
I'm new in town...could you give me directions to your apartment?
I think you're the most beautiful girl I've seen...on a Wednesday
I know this is going to sound like a line, but did that sound like a line? Are you disappointed?
I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk.
Do you have a map? I just got lost in your eyes.
Are you religious? Good, cause I'm here to answer your prayers.
Did it hurt? (Did what hurt) When you fell out of heaven.
Inheriting 80 million doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart.
I lost my phone number, can I borrow yours?
If your parents hadn't met, I'd be a very unhappy man right now.
Do you drink milk? It sure did your body good.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Ashley E. Who Cares on 11-Aug-2005 | More Pick Up Lines1. I want you almost as much as I want world peace.
2. You can forget about going to heaven because it's sin to look that good.
3. We both know that I am going to follow you home anyway, so why don't you just come along peacefully?
4. I envy your lipstick.
5. I just want to be loved - is that so wrong?
6. You remind me of an ice cold Pepsi - I've just gotta have it.
7. Do you believe in the hereafter? Good, then you know what I'm here after.
8. If I had eleven roses and you, I'd have a dozen.
9. Baby, you look so sweet you're giving me a cavity.
10. Is it me or am I gorgeous?
11. I'd even marry your dog just to be related to you.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
