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Divorce Barbie

did you hear about the new divorced Barbie that is coming out at christmas?

it comes with all ken's accessories

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	():battle of sexes (734): Met at a party...

Posted by tazy on 13-Aug-2005

Met at a party...

John receives a phone call.

"Hello," he answers.

The voice on the other end says, "This is Susan. We met at a party about 3 months ago."

John: "Hmm... Susan? About 3 months ago?"

Susan: "Yes, it was at Bill's house. After the party you took me home. On the way we parked and got into the back seat. You told me I was a good sport."

John: "Oh, yeah! Susan! How are you?"

Susan: "I'm pregnant and I'm going to kill myself."

John: "Say, you ARE a good sport."

--
Editor's Note: Originally from a George Carlin monologue. Credit where credit is due (well, this time).

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	():battle of sexes (734): Jealous Eve

Posted by B B on 13-Aug-2005

Jealous Eve

Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands.... When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. You're running around with other women," she told her mate.

"Eve, honey, you're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You know you're the only woman on earth."

The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by a strange pain in the chest.

It was his darling Eve poking him rather vigorously about the torso. "What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.

"Counting your ribs," said Eve.

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	():battle of sexes (734): What women say (and are thinking)

Posted by flameb0y on 13-Aug-2005

What women say (and are thinking)

I JUST NEED SOME SPACE.
... without you in it.

DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS?
We haven't had a fight in a while.

NO, PIZZA'S FINE.
... you cheap slob!

I JUST DON'T WANT A BOYFRIEND NOW.
I just don't want you as a boyfriend now.

I DON'T KNOW, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?
I can't believe you have nothing planned.

I LIKE YOU, BUT...
I don't like you.

OF COURSE I LOVE YOU.
... just not in that way.

I'LL BE READY IN A MINUTE.
...I'm ready, but I'm going to make you wait because I know you will.

OH, NO, I'LL PAY FOR MYSELF.
...I'm just being nice; there's no way I'm going dutch.

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	():battle of sexes (734): Driving in Heaven

Posted by Jeff D. Proper on 13-Aug-2005

Driving in Heaven

3 guys die in a car accident, as they are going into heaven, a saint stops them and says to the first man,

"were you a faithful husband?"

he replies "yes, I never strayed from my wife, I barely even looked at other women"

the saint replies, "very good, you can drive this brand new sports car!" he then turns to the next guy and says,

"were you a faithful husband?"

the second man replies "well, to be honest, I DID cheat once, but I came clean and stayed on the right path and my wife forgave me and we lived happily afterwards."

the saint then says, "very good, you can drive this 1993 sports car" he then turns to the third and asks,

"were you a faithful husband?"

the third man says, "no, I slept around, never came clean, when I was caught, I wouldn't fess up and my wife hated me"

the saint replies "well, that's not very good, however, you were a good man besides that, you can drive around this 1983 compact"

A few days later, the second and third man were cruising around in the second mans older sports car and they saw their friends nice new sports car parked outside a bar so they pull in. There they see their friend with his face in his hands crying, surrounded in beer bottles, so they walk up to him.

"hey, how ya doin'? why are you crying?"

"I saw my wife today" he replies

"hey, that's great! did you say hello?" the other two men inquired.

the first man replies, "no, that's the problem, I couldn't follow her onto the bicycle path with my car"

-- Goodguy

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	():battle of sexes (734): Newlyweds

Posted by Amy Inder on 13-Aug-2005

Newlyweds

After the lavish wedding reception, the newlyweds retired to their Honeymoon Suite. The groom turned down the lights and found some nice CDs to stack on the player. Then he excused himself and returned in pajamas and robe. He opened a bottle of champagne and poured them each a drink, unaware that his new bride had already had more than enough to drink.

Finally, he took the girl of his dreams, whom he had wed after a whirlwind courtship, by the hand and tenderly began to lead her towards the bedroom.

"God!" she muttered, "every stinking time I go out with a guy it always ends up the same way."

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