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| Posted by jimmy miller on 11-Aug-2005 | Divorce DefinedAh, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
--Robin Williams
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| Posted by EMMI E. COOL on 11-Aug-2005 | Deer Hunting with his WifeAfter years of listening to her plead, a hunter finally decided to let his wife come hunting with him. He led her into the woods and left her in a blind with instructions on what to do when a deer came within range.
He had no sooner arrived at his own blind when he heard a shot coming from his wife's direction. The first shot was quickly followed by several more. He immediately ran back to see what had happened, only to find a man standing in front of his wife with his hands up shouting, "OK lady, it's your deer! Just let me take the saddle off!"
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| Posted by lil jitterbug on 11-Aug-2005 | Deaf MarriageTwo deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language.
After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution.
"Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time."
The husband thinks this is a great idea and signsback to his wife, "Great idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time."
"If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis 100 times"
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| Posted by brian brams on 11-Aug-2005 | Cutting You OffStaggering in from their tenth anniversary dinner, the drunken husband collapsed in a chair and let out an enormous belch.
"That's it George! I've had it this time." his wife screamed. "I'm cutting you off forever."
"That's impossible," he replied, "you don't even know where I'm getting it."
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| Posted by Robin A.J. on 11-Aug-2005 | Curing Loyalty ProblemsA woman was complaining to her neighbor that she suspected her husband was cheating on her because he always came home at extremely late hours.
The neighbor said, "Dear, try what I did. One night, when my husband came home at 3 a.m. I called out, 'Is that you Jeffrey?' He never came home late again.
"That's rediculous! Just calling his name made him stop?" replied the neighbor with disbelief.
"You don't understand." replied the lady, "My husband's name is Thomas."
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| Posted by Toby's Gurl on 11-Aug-2005 | Cover UpA man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. He walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of drinks, one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment.
After they have had their fun, he realizes it is 3AM and says, "Oh no, its so late, my wife is going to kill me! Do you have any talcum powder?"
She gives him some talcum powder, which he proceeds to rub on his hands and then he goes home.
His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty pissed. "Where the hell have you been?!"
"Well, honey, its like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking chick there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her."
"Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!" She sees his hands are covered with powder. "You liar! You went bowling again!"
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